Life is about decisions

Life is based on the daily decisions we make. We always have more than one option, we just need to open our eyes in order to see all of the opportunities we have. I remember when we started talking for the first time, we couldn't stand each other but as time passed we became close friends, or so I believed.
I remember when you said that you easily get bored of your friends and I remember how you promised that we will always be friends, I guess I've been lied to again. Quickly after you started socializing you forgot me, I remember when you said that you would never trade me for anything, well now you did. You exchanged me for couple of new friends, I guess I became boring. I one of those "friends" which will always be here for you, but you will only talk to me when you will feel alone because your so called new friends cannot understand you the way I can. You said that it's not your fault, when actually it is. You chose to forget your "old" and "not so cool" friends, but I kind of understand why you continue to do so.
I remember spending nights chatting with you, listening to music together and watching movies. I miss those days, and I miss you even more. I know that I wasn't the best type of a friend but I was me, you lied that you liked me for what I am, you even made me promise that I will never change.
Although whatever you do, I will always support you owing to the fact that you have picked me up so many times. But I think this friendship was not meant to last, I guess we just go our separate ways and try to move on.

Love destroys everything

Everything happens for a reason
Everything happens within a season
I think about you everyday
But I'm not worthy to play
I was set up on dead bet
Putting all hopes to bed
I enjoyed the little rushed you had
Standing close to death
But I cannot lie it was driving me crazy

And now when you are physically so close to me
I cannot talk to you
I cannot even hug you
What happened?
What did I do wrong?
Was all of this my doing?
Or do you simply dislike me 'cause I'm different
You told me to never change
Yet you were the one who changed me
You told me that you enjoyed spending time together
Yet you ran away from me

I have an urge to scream and cry
But grown ups shouldn't whine
I've never been this much in love
To tell you the truth I don't know if I've been in love before
You were a great example of what I should avoid
Because girls like you make me annoyed and destroyed
Now I'm left paranoid

In love with a psycho

How can I make this stop? I cannot do anything correctly, even failed to give up. You drugged my mind. I have no idea why I love you. Sometimes. You never thought I get to see today, the day when you were still on my mind but not on my chest. What I feel for you is totally different from what I have felt, you were the girl who made me able to walk on water. Lately my dog is the only one around who listens to my problems.
I saw you again and I know you used me again, but you always pretended that the truth isn't there trying to move on. I thought you were smart,headstrong and independent, guess I was blinded by your beauty. You gave me this false image of me finding my place even though I didn't know where I stood, never thought that I would find my place only if I stopped running around after you. We still talk everyday, but not in the same way that we used to, well I don't, but you still are telling me those boring stories that I've heard thousand times before, yet I still act enthused... You are a psycho... Psycho that I loved.
This world is strange and fucked up, sometimes I wish for a way out. I dream of moving away from this goddamn place, I dream of being far away from you but I'm sure that you will find a way to use me, you always do. I find myself spending the nights thinking about you, thinking about all the opportunities I missed because of you and of those that I will miss because of you. You brought me down, made me touch the bottom. I beg you not to remind me and put your past behind me, please make this end. I went through shit for you, cannot wait for the day when I'm going to tell you goodbye and so long.

Love in vain

Falling in love with someone who you should not even like, let alone love. You are what everyone said that you will be, beautiful, shy, with an amazing voice, you are what everyone likes. You were there, you could feel my pain we both know that, but I noticed something that no one else couldn't. You knew how I felt because you were there too, but you hide it with a smile that is truly mesmerizing. I know you had no interest in me, I wonder why I'm always hypnotized by those who don't even want to speak to me. I'm broken and I see myself as a living dead because of people like YOU, I'm nothing more than a shadow of what I once was-I reckon. I see myself in the mirror everyday with disgrace, and as time goes by I'm more and more ashamed of what I've become.
I'm haunted by memories of people I loved and trusted, afraid of their return, afraid of trusting them again, afraid of getting hurt again.
Please forgive me for ignoring you, it's just I don't want to play another game of "tag" where just like before I'll be the loser. People say that I'm asocial, that I'm weird and different even she has told me that but I know you aren't like them, you would never say that to anyone. Although there is one thing I want you to know, She is something special, She is like a drug to me, we can't stand each other yet we can't live without one another, however I don't love her anymore and I hope she is happy 'cause I know I am when I'm around you. I'm saying this just to tell YOU that those lies they are going to tell you shouldn't be believed, She is just a friend, or less. I love no one that's for sure, I'm not capable to love nor I know how to do so, that is the reason why I'm trying to avoid you. I do not want to love anyone because I know that it will be in vain.

Same routine

Not doing anything in your life is called being dead. Always finding an excuse just to be alone, saying no to friends who care about you and refusing to communicate is making you nothing more than a useless person who does nothing. But every day is the same and every day's a sin for you, following the same routine claiming to be asocial when you really are just afraid to admit that YOU decide to be alone. I found out that I am one of those who blame their so call "asociality" for their failures, for their loneliness saying they are not at fault, saying they can't do anything about it!
Saying no to everything will never change a thing, I know this because if I didn't say "yes" that day I would've never met you. I remember how I embarrassed myself in front of you, no wonder why you still remember who I am, although a full year passed. Meeting you in the park was the main reason why I spent my  whole summer there with hopes of seeing you again. Don't make fun of me but I knew that the park was not your first go-to place but it was my best choice, had the biggest chance of seeing you there.
After meeting you I'm slowly fighting my urge to be alone, knowing that it's not the right way to be in a mind set where all I want to do is sit in my room, do nothing, speak nothing or hear nothing. I cannot lie I love being isolated from the world but I know that it's not the right way, I understood that when I met you. Besides you showed me that I shouldn't be ashamed of who I am and what I do or what I think and what I say, you showed me that if I have confidence in myself I can accomplish anything. It's funny how you showed me all of this with only one simple "hello". I promise not to you but to myself, next time I'll see you I will thank you for that. For an Anarchist-atheist like me, who spent most of his days GAMING, finding confidence to accomplish anything is like bypassing through out the nine circles of hell, yet with your help it was no more than a walk in the park - literally. All I want to say, no matter who you are know that someone is grateful for your greetings and hugs. Sometimes that's all what we need to make us feel better, to help us, to change us or save us.

Society moulds personalities

I'm feeling down yet I do not know what for. I feel pain but I didn't get hurt. Nights go by still I cannot get any rest. Nothing I hear is true, lies are being told on a daily basis with hopes of destroying a sane man who has been "raped" by the society just because of his different point of view.
It makes me sick when I see jealousy and hatred, maybe that's what keeps me up at night, I'm sure of it they kill my sleep. I feel sorry for myself, having to live in a society where we cannot stand each other, where everyone wants power and no one wants to help a stranger. It makes me sick seeing someone looking down of those who are in need. Bloody bastards think they are "good" people by attending church while they are sinning on thousand other front. I hate when someone says that THEY are better, yes they might be but that's not the point in life. One bullet can take away everything you have, then what will you have? Nothing, absolutely nothing you will just be remembered as a scum, no one will say anything good about you, and we both know that the key to immortality are good memories for we cannot live forever but our deeds will. If you are not able to do anything good than don't ruin the chance for others. In the end we are here just to leave a better place for our children, think of them next time you do something, think about how it will benefit them.
This might be the reason why I am so mad at the world and cannot sleep!

Beautiful little land

Here I am home alone
Resting in my throne
Closing my eyes
Escaping all the lies
Even though I'm not that wise
I can see the disguise of those guys
Their masks fall down,
Safe to say,they are non existent in the beautiful little land
A place where my fear is hidden
Lies are strongly forbidden
And every word is written down
Oh my beautiful little land
A place where I meet both a friend and a foe
Loneliness I was told it's her name
Never got to greet her, such a shame
Never got to see her, but she always takes the blame
Never got to feel her, but she holds me tight
Depression on the other hand is just in my sight
It takes me out, bite by bite
No wonder I'm losing my might
Once a beautiful land
Now a place filled with living sand
The more time I spend
The worse it gets
Everything fades to black
And it never goes back
The only thing I regret is not expressing what I feel
That brought me here
Now it's clear
I just need to tell her what's on my mind
That's the only way of restoring peace to a place once filled with joy

You and your plastic personality

You always get under my skin, but I don't find it irritating. To be honest you are like my get away drug that makes me forget all my problems.
I loved being around you,yet I couldn't stand you and your selfish actions. You cannot stop using people, you are everything I hate. You're nothing more than a problem in my life, yet couldn't stand the days that passed when I was without you.
I liked you since the first time I laid eyes on you. I've never seen such beauty and booksmarts! But that's about it, you are a selfish looser and an abuser. You keep on bragging and when you have nothing to say, well then you simply repeat yourself over and over again.
Deep inside you are lost, I can see it in you eyes. And those lies you've told me over the past couple of years... I never payed attention to them. Don't know why you told them... Did you simply wanted to make me jealous? Wanted to see how I'd behave once I lost you? Hope you got the answers you were looking for, 'cause trust me I got what I was searching for. Never understood how I allowed my heart to overthrow my brain.
 I don't blame you, that's the way you are, I know you hate something about me too but hey that's part of our human nature.
You think you know my plans,you think you understand me, but every word you said about me was wrong. Everything you thought I am ended up being wrong. You simple never gave a damn about understanding me, never gave a damn about wanting to meet the real me...

Badb

Badb is a friend of mine, well I love her like a sister,love her to death. She is always here for me, she always understands me and helps me throughout hard time. Badb is a sweet girl, she has a really cute smile, she is smart and just like her name wise and always fighting for what's right! We both make fun of each other but I know that we respect each other. She often gets mad at me and my dumb jokes, just that makes me quite mad, although she always finds a way to crack me up. Such a sweet heart! I hate seeing her hurt, she deserves no pain for she is as pure as a tear.
  I know that lately Badb hasn't been herself, she tries to hide the pain by lying to herself and everyone around her! She says that she is OK yet she's hurt. No pain shall be hidden for it will become much more than temporary damage. What ever is going through her head I cannot know, all I can say I want nothing but the best for Badb, because a friend like her is hard to find nowadays and I would do anything to keep her. I hope I'm over exaggerating for you should always be happy and trust me Badb I will do anything in my power to repay you because you helped me get trough a lot!

Past,Future but not the Present

   If you'd be able to pick only one moment that passed just to relive it again,which one would it be? Would you choose to be with somebody you adore, a milestone you achieved or a last farewell with a special someone?
 You know how as time passes people go and change well, feelings do the same too, but the moments spent with the one you love will remain in the loop, and just to be loved and adored is all that I want to feel, I want to be appreciated and accepted for who I am. Is it wrong if I'm wanting to feel the love that wasn't supposed to be?

My story of a lonely guy

Every night you are out partying, while I'm locked in my room free willingly parting myself until I escape this oblivion yet you are the one changing and I'm the one who is destroyed.You are a strange inspiration, having a crush on you was no good but I cannot lie it helped me a lot,although it made me wonder about life, about how I should live it, how I should value it...Not sure if its worth explaining but you brought sunshine on this spotless mind, I was crazy about you, I was as happy as a child who just got a candy bar from the candy shop every time you were around me.
Years went by you know how time flies I began to despise your narcissism,selfishness and greed that only left lies in my memories, a broken heart hurts more than a broken spirit but somehow you managed to break them both.
From time to time I wonder what's so special about you? I thought I loved you for your personality but now I realised it was beauty that got to me... I failed myself, how on earth did you do this to me? It took me so long to realise something so simple yet devastating, I was even ready to give up sleep just to spend time with you.
Never knew how easy it was to fail oneself especially when you try so hard not to. Why is love like this? Now all I do is listening to saggy indie/pop punk love songs sent by a friend who shall not be named for she is my true saviour. I find it funny how someone who never saw me physically knows me better than someone who I try to tell everything.
There are even days when I think to myself if I'm mad or just overjoyed not knowing that I was just a toy in a world where people like me have little to no chance of being loved just because we are different, just because we are not ashamed to tell what we feel should be changed or just because our openness towards subjects that most people gain power from. Everyone looks at me differently, they pity me I can feel it, most people talk to me because they are sorry for me because I never learned how to fall in line or how to become another casualty of society not knowing that I'm willingy doing that. They laugh at my way of life, I laugh at their fear of death, they make fun of my dumb actions but once those dumb actions succeed, everyone even your beloved ones try to stop you.
I do not know how they can find justice in love, but I know one thing's for sure. Love isn't my thing I will never be loved nor will I love that's not a promise it's my future.
But in this short and haunting life I've came to a conclusion, nothing is pointless not even a crush that lasted for four years straight. I've learned a lot because of it. You made me the bastard I am today and I would like to remain like this. You've opened my eyes in a weird way, you made me dislike you and your points of view.We knew each other so well yet I hardly knew you. You consciously stabbed knives thinking that I did not see it coming, but I am just a patient man and you know what they say "Patience will be their undoing", trust me they were right.
You called me a betrayer, in truth it was I who was betrayed. Still, I'm hunted. Still, I'm hated. Now my blind eyes see what others cannot, that the hand of fate sometimes must be forced. It was my mistake for never doing so, I gave up without a try, without having a swing. I lost my chance just to be changed. I lost love just to be stronger. Now the only thing that's left for me is to march forward and tell the story of a lonely guy who never found love but found himself. The story of a lonely guy who in the end was not so lonely because of his few but amazing friends who helped him see the world which is not so pink. Friends who warned him about love and The Girl he loved. And even being alone he is never lonely, he has himself. Such a rebel he is, never giving up his hopes and dreams, going against the world just to fulfill his destiny. A guy who cares not if everyone is against him as long as he has someone he can rely on...
Now imagine that guy alone, he would be like a wounded bear, he'd be driven insane not that he isn't right now.
And now there is but one question I want to be answered. Is it all his fault?