What's up with you

We all have that one psycho in our life, too bad I was in love with that person for a really long time. At first you seemed normal, hell, I even thought that you are the greatest person I've ever met. It took me a while to figure you out, when I did I was surprised but that didn't prevent me from loving you. No, what killed my love were the stories you told. You became depressed so I thought that it was a good time to tell you how I feel, you took it for granted and thought that I didn't have other friends, you thought that I was you. You tried to use me, but failed miserably so you told me that I was full of myself. Soon after you met new people, you made friends, but you didn't know that they were our mutual friends so you started talking shit behind my back thinking that I will never find out.
I thought that it was time to give you a little update about my feelings towards you, and to be honest I wasn't worried about your reaction because I was fed up. I remember that you didn't like what I said because I told you that you've either changed or that I finally found out what kind of a person you are. To be honest I'm glad that we stopped talking, because you showed your true colours, you salute everyone I'm talking to and start conversations with them just to see my reactions, too bad you are only making me laugh.
Yesterday, you acknowledged my presence, you even greeted me and when I asked you if we were still talking you told me that we needed to sort things out, so today I texted you asking if there was really anything to talk about you gave me a negative answer. Such a pitty I was in the mood of telling you how much bullshit you are. Although I really shouldn't get too full of myself, because if it weren't for a friend of mine I'd never be able to realise how spineless I was. Yeah it's weird how her two-sentence statement did a lot more than you ever did.

Nothing is the same

I guess it's that time of the year again. I guess I will have to put up with you again, huh, good thing you cannot stand me either. I cannot wait for all those boring days where we have to sit next to each other,for the days when we will have to work together.
No wonder why I'm depressed knowing that I have to communicate with douchebags. Ahh, why do I have to coexist with such people...
I remember when I was young the world it was smaller, the cities were vast and the buildings were taller, the people were nicer and my parents seemed stronger. Back when I was just getting warned, huh, yeah they warned me about many things. Back when my generation wasn't fucked up...
I miss those days, days when I still felt alive and when I couldn't wait to get outside. All I do is now is sitting in my room being isolated from the real world, thinking about life itself, studying, while most of my generation is going out to drink until they have a blackout.
Time passed so quickly, years went by without me even noticing it. Guess we all grow old faster than we think. We change our interests as we grow, we even lose the trust of some people just by letting time pass by... Such a strange world we grew up in.

Letter 2: Aibh

We've known each other for a long time, we had our rivalry but became friends after a while. We spent so many nights talking, debating, laughing. I soon developed a crush which you noticed but you acted like you didn't know just because you liked the attention I was giving you.
I have to say, we both changed a lot since our first conversation. For the better or worse, I do not know but what I know is that we aren't those same brats talking about stupid topics. I looked up our chat history a while ago, it was an eye opening experience for me. I saw how you used me, but it helped me recognize the lies told by others.
Sometimes I wish that I've never met you, however for what it was worth it was worth all the while.
It's a good thing that not everything goes as planned. Imagine what a boring place it would be then, nothing to take you by surprise, nothing to keep your adrenaline rushing. I cannot imagine my self living in such world, but I know you'd love to because you always hated changes of a plan.
I hate how I had to tell thousands of lies just to make sure you are happy. Trust me that will never happen again, I will never again tell a lie just so you can feel better!

You aren't that innocent

You used to make me feel like I could walk on water, I write about you all the time but I bet I don't run through your mind. You're the reason why I cannot sleep at night. I thought that I saw something in you, something worth fighting for, well actually I did I saw disaster masked as headstrongness, I saw jealous disguised as kindness.
Now there is nothing to fight for since you showed your true colors, you run around gossiping about me thinking that you know me. You think that I believed your lies and that I trusted you with my secrets, huh, you couldn't be more wrong. I had to twist my words to protect my self from your failure, I guess it's just a part of my nature to hide in my shell when someone wants to do harm.
Knowing that you lied to me you still made me think about you, I usually spend the nights kicking cans and digging into my pockets, thinking about my actions over and over. Thinking about why you didn't put a stop to this earlier, after all you knew that I had a crush on you. Huh, guess you really are in love with the attention you get. You love it until someone gets a firm grip of your act, once they figure out what you are doing you try to protect yourself by blaming everything on others. You think that you will be the "innocent" girl in their eyes forever.
All I have to say is that all of a sudden I stopped feeling so insecure and it's all thanks to your little act. All thanks to you, to your little game of wanting to be a grow up when you are still your daddy's little princess.
I cannot believe that it took me so long to understand that you are not worth all the trouble. It took me a goddamn long time to lay down my arms and give up the fight. But hey better late than never.

It's your turn to suffer

Ever since our conversation, it's like you went missing. Not a single sign from you, you do not even go out with your "friends" anymore. Looks like my prophecy was right, they were just using you. I cannot say that you've changed, because you still remain the same lying,pathetic fool. You still try tricking people into believing your innocence, while I'm getting my shovel to dig in deeper just to bury the castle. The castle of glass and lies you've created.
It's just like in my dreams where I can feel your ghost on the dancefloor, crying for more attention. I've never knew that I can do this, never knew that I would be able to cause so much pain upon someone and I cannot lie it feels amazing. Your sojourn in my heart was painful, but this, THIS makes it up for it. Now I am become "Death", destroyer of world, the destroyer of your world, of your dreams. It's like we've become each other. You've been my death for so long, now this is just a mere pay back. And trust me, this is only the beginning!

Love destroys everything

Everything happens for a reason
Everything happens within a season
I think about you everyday
But I'm not worthy to play
I was set up on dead bet
Putting all hopes to bed
I enjoyed the little rushed you had
Standing close to death
But I cannot lie it was driving me crazy

And now when you are physically so close to me
I cannot talk to you
I cannot even hug you
What happened?
What did I do wrong?
Was all of this my doing?
Or do you simply dislike me 'cause I'm different
You told me to never change
Yet you were the one who changed me
You told me that you enjoyed spending time together
Yet you ran away from me

I have an urge to scream and cry
But grown ups shouldn't whine
I've never been this much in love
To tell you the truth I don't know if I've been in love before
You were a great example of what I should avoid
Because girls like you make me annoyed and destroyed
Now I'm left paranoid

Girl named Aibhlinn

I've drowned in my own fears and remorse and if I could change something now it would be so much easier let down. Don't stop now because we have something clearer than the day I found you. Aibhlinn just says she loves the train tracks but am I tying myself down to them for loving that, and Aibhlinn says hold back the feelings just enough but it's so hard to staying idle I just want to know what are we doing... What are we doing? Are we just playing a game of hide'n'seek where you and I are both hiding and there is no seeker? We are playing a game which will never end, we are hiding just to never be found.
Aibhlinn your name speaks for itself, I simply cannot get you out of my head and heart. You are poisoning my brain Aibhly, I hate you yet I cannot stop loving you. The despite done by you to me is beyond forgiveness yet I find a way to do so. I would give my eye to know what's going through your head, just like Odin gave his for wisdom. I know my reason isn't as wise as his but that's why he is a god and I'm just a stupid worthless boy who is seeking something that isn't his. Greed is what I hate yet it flows through me! Lies are what I cannot stand yet I tell them, I tell myself that I'm OK without you. Aibhly, you are nothing more than a memory now filled with full of sh*t head lies! You are always talking about others but I swear the next time you'll point the finger I'll bend it back and break it off.
You are always playing god but the truth is you are only a poseur! You are a wanna be rockstar, ohh Aibhly I remember the day I met you, I can only say that it was the worst day ever! I wish the train tracks weren't there, I wished that I was never on that train! Now, all I can do is wait to be used... Use me Holly, come on use me"