Eimear

First thing that comes on my mind is Eimear. She possess the most beautiful smile I've ever seen and her voice, well her voice is out of this world. Put in simple words she possesses the "six gifts of womanhood". I've seen her once or twice but it was enough to carve a memory that I will keep forever with hopes of talking to you once more. Not sure what I feel towards you, all I can say is lately you've crossed my mind one too many times, yet I do nothing about that. Maybe you don't remember me, in a while it will be a whole year since I met you and I remember that day just like it was yesterday.
I see how my crush and friend are getting closer and closer, yet it doesn't bother me, I do not even care because I met you Eimear. Wish I could talk with you in person, sadly I cannot... It's not that I do not want to, simply put I'm asocial. It's hard for me to start conversations or to keep one going.
My thoughts are like a carousel, going round and round and by the look of it I'm guessing my life is a broken dream going up and down spending another night alone staring at the TV wishing for your haunting presence.
Just don't forget to think about me and I won't forget you, but I haven't been this scared in a long time when I think about what could go wrong if I tell you what I feel.

Changes ruin people

Simplicity is the answer to an utterly beautiful life, but that is not in our nature. We are the perfect living beings yet we are the most disgusting, most brutal, vile among others. Doing everything that is in your power just to make someone happy, when suddenly someone walks in with what they wish for, with what you were trying to achieve just for them, huh, such a strange world. You won't even receive a thank you, but instead of staying quite you choose to speak with the thought that your words will matter. Haven't you learned anything? If you actions won't matter to them why on earth do you think that your words will make a difference? You will be empty like the day after Christmas, everyone will talk about you, little will like you.
What will happen to you, only time will tell, paranoia will never leave you. Your last hope will burn down, your emotions will be blown out by the tides, you will become what you hate the most.
But that will only happen once the person who screw you over will be asking for your help. Yes, only then you will know what a sadist feels. You will be the one in control, you will be the one hurting people. That is the only feeling worth living for once you are hurt, betrayed, destroyed. That is the only time when your dreams will come real. Only then will your insomnia end, only then you will feel happiness again. None will be able to save them. No one.

Life then and now

Being alive yet having no life left, that is what you will feel if you walk a mile in my sneakers. I meet people that are too perfect, or so I think. Little do I know I'm befriending fools, deceivers, liars, renegades. Everything I try to do ends up being pointless. Never understood what's so great about life when you cannot share it with someone. It feels like no one wants to listen to what you have to say, no matter how important it is.
Hah, here I am laughing at myself because I do not want to admit it that I'm too depressed. I remember when I was just a child, I remember the days when I still felt alive, when I couldn't wait to go outside, the world was so wide back than and now here I am I cannot wait till I get home just to pass the time in my room all alone. I was so naive back then, such an innocent child, I thought that this world was a beautiful place.
I hate how little changed in this world, but I've completely changed. Now I see this world with disgust, nothing more than a place filled with beautiful things that are waiting to be ruined by mankind. I just want to go outside and scream and swear. I hate it how everyone tells me that time will make everything better, hell, I hate it when I tell myself that time will make everything better. The only thing that can make this world a better place is a loved one.
Yeah, I know it's cheesy but I think it's true. In a time when everyone backstabs each other, I think that finding a bastard you love with all your heart will make everything more easier. Too bad I cannot experience that. All I've been doing is falling in love with the wrong people, with people who seemed so sweet at the start, but the start was all wrong. People who said that they speak from their hearts, altough their hearts' all gone. Yet out of all people you make my time stand still, you are live vilence to me, you kill me, yet you have me forever and after. I feel like a hostage with a stockholm syndrome when I'm around you. You want it to be your way, no matter what, even if it means putting my life in danger just for your own benefit and within the same moment I immediately do what you say. She is unstoppable, unpredictable, I'm so jaded,calculated and WRONG. Please take me home, it's too late now, I'm gone.
I'm lost in this world, confused, tired, destroyed. I'm a real case of walking dead. I'm lifeless even though I'm alive.

Loneliness is my only friend

Whole day spent on thinking, wondering, but mostly being frightened by the thought of being alone. Although I've always felt loneliness, today was the first time I was afraid of it. It's not the being alone thing that scares me, no that is quite normal for me, I'm afraid of being used, I'm afraid of being ignored by those who I love and care about the most. Life is too short to be alone, but sometimes that's the only way out of a crisis. Loneliness is the only friend I really have, she is always there for me. Funny how you always meet new people, ditching your old friends just to hang out with the "cool" people. Endless cycle of screwing around, acting polite just to be liked, but when that fails you are eager to get in touch with the people who gave everything for you. Guess you are nothing more than a user and an abuser. I cannot believe that I fell for your sweet talk, cannot believe that I was lied to.
The more I think about it the more angry I get... I've always tried to help you when you needed it the most, but now once you have no use of me, you just find reasons why not to be around me. I know it's not my fault, well not this time. I know you too well, you got mad because you found someone who can replace me, you found someone that is a better version of me, or at least you think that, like many times before.
In every friendship I had, I ended up being used. I just wonder if I will ever find a real friend. That's why I do not believe in friendship, the only real friends are those who you grew up with, those friends know  your pain, they know your past,present and are helping you build a better future. It's hard to find friends like those, and the people who are willing to stay, well let me put it this way, they deserve a perfect treatment.