Save me

Come and save me now,
I need you here,
I must have you somehow.
Come and save me now,
show me your blue eyes
win me over with your lies.
Come and save me now,
come and warm my heart,
just come and do your part.
I do not ask much,
just please show me love,
Take my spirit and lift it above.
come and save me now,
heal my wounds,
and keep making me laugh.
Show me how to love once more,
show me how to make the hatred go,
show me how to stand strong,
Just please help me not to feel so alone.
Come and save me now,
for you are my only hope.

Letter 4: Badb M.

The last person I trust, somehow I knew tat disaster would struck. You gained my respect now you are slowly killing me.
Badb, I was always there for you, yet you never bothered to ask me if I needed help. You used me just like those that were here before you. I thought I was strong but my heart cannot take this any longer.
But whatever, it's my fault. I don't blame you. I allowed this to happen.
I guess I never learn, but that is something I love about myself!
I don't care anymore, cause when I did it only pulled me down! And enough is enough. I was the one saying that we are responsible for the course our lives take, I said that nothing is predetermined yet I gave up.
I failed more than I succeeded so I gave up. And then what did I do? Nothing! I sat down in a dark room blaming you because you never wondered how I was doing. I blamed you for not being me.
Now I figured that  I was the one who allowed you to do so. I shouldn't be angry at you and I'm not! I'm angry at myself for being a weak and scared bastard, a bastard who was too afraid to take control and hurt your feelings from time to time.
If there is someone who fucked everything up, it's me so I don't know why I was expecting someone to listen to my problems. Why did I thought that you of all people would help me... What was I thinking.... Was it because you told me that you'd always be by my side?
Why did I believe the words of a liar? I remember when you talked crap about people that you disliked back then, should I say that they are your new found friends? You were calling them fat,stupid and ugly, but unlike me you didn't believe that or so it seemed. You were either lying back then because the friends you had were still around or you really meant those things but you befriended them because you lost your old friends.
You disgust me now. I cannot stand you but for whatever reason I cannot ditch you. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I just can't do what you do. I don't want to do what you do. I don't want to become you!

Can't stop thinking about you

A year has gone by,
yet I still try,
I try to reach you,
I try to touch you,
still every attempt is a fail.

Your eyes used to be the light,
your smile used to be the way
your laughter used to be inspiring.
Now your absence is my suffering.

I endure only pain,
happiness I no longer gain,
beauty I no longer see,
I'm drowning in misery.

As days go by,
we grow apart more and more,
all I'm left with-a heart that feels sore.
What hurts more is that you've written my lore!
   
You've foreseen my future,
and you knew about my past.
I guess you didn't want it to last!

I thought about you

    It's been a while since the last time you ran through my mind and I have to say nothing is the same, your presence changed everything, it kept me sane. It's impossible to forget you no matter how hard I try. 
      When I think of you I have this picture of a blade of ice, lonely road, clear day, always sharp and cold, always beautiful. I am such a fool, why can't I simply give up? I know that we will never talk again but I cannot stop thinking about you. I hate you for saying that you'd always be by my side! I hate you for the kind acts you did. I hate you for helping me, for picking me up when I needed someone the most! I hate you because you cared about me... Why were you so nice? Why did you show me how it felt to be loved? You changed me completely! I hate the fact that I cannot hate you.
     No matter what you do just know that you will always have a place in my heart although I know that you wouldn't care and I do not blame you. I'm not worth of your time, and I know that we weren't so similar to begin with but I cannot stop feeling like the universe has left me without a place to go, leaving me somewhere between light and darkness, making me a spectator of your movement. I once had the power to guide you just as you guided my path, now I'm nothing more than a grain of sand. I am scared of the dark, yet I cannot step into the light because of you.
Society says that boys don't cry but I cannot prevent myself from doing so when I'm thinking about you.
 Until we meet again, slan...

Letter 3: Badb A.

    Another day has ended and I'm still lost. It's been a while since my last letter, I was too broken to function properly, too tired from the world and disappointed from those around me. To be honest I still am. I still cannot think properly but I'm trying to write this letter to you. I'm not doing this because I have to,no, I'm writing it just because I want to thank you. You've been around for a while and no matter what you were always there for me. I'm sure that if I tell you what's on my mind right now, you'd try to help me no matter what. I have no idea how to repay you because you've done so much for me. You really are the best friend I've ever had. I should quit my stalling, I want to ask you a pathetic question but I need answers... Was I ever helpful? Or was I just dead weight ? I'm afraid of the answer yet the thought of not knowing is killing me. That was the first thing I remembered and now it's the last thing left on my mind. I want to know so many things, but for now this is enough . I just want to know if I'm useless or not! Whatever your answer is just know that you will always have a place in my heart and mind!

Why are you like this?

   Why are you always like this? Don't you feel like it's unnecessary to be angry at me for such things, or did I really cross the line? 

You mean a lot to me, I know you can tell, but you always find the dumbest reasons to be mad at me.   Like, you hang out with people who aren't familiar with everyday communication skills.  You are befriending people who only know how to spend their money on alcohol and cigarettes. Worst of all you are befriending those who think that if they have money they are badass. 

  I don't understand why you are always getting mad at me, huh, you never get mad at my actions, no, you get mad at my jokes and my attempts to keep the jokes running. Shit, you never get mad at me when I have a bad view about a serious topic but you can't stand it when I try to tell your joke from my point of view, but you are totally allowed to do so. 

Is it my fault? Should I be like you or should I try to change? You know, to tell you the truth I don't care anymore. If you want to stick around I really couldn't tell you how happy it would make me be, but if you have no intentions then please don't make me like you because you will only break me down. 

Feelings shouldn't always stay hidden

She is alive
Or so I believe
She dived in
And got kicked down
Never got up
She got caught
In a battle she shouldn't have known about
She fought my battle
And now I cannot do anything to ease her pain
Everything she did was in vain
I am the one to blame
I should be ashamed
Somehow I'm not
A monster is what I've become
Damage is all I've done
But not to me
Thats the problem
Everyone around me is getting hurt
People I care about are now in the dirt
Never knew what power could bring
It corrupts the good and destroys evil
It hurts me to see her suffer
I remember sleeping on and on on the stairwell
I remember when we fell apart on the weekends
I liked the little rush she got
When she was standing close to death
Like when she was driving me crazy
You know I never told her that she meant something to me
It's all my fault

Thank you for your time

Most of the time, I do not think of you, but when I do I ask myself why do I bother to stay while you are running away. Are you feeling severing? Or is it just your need to toy with people around you? I thought that we drew closer than ever, I knew that the feeling I get when you were around wasn't just my imagination. I guess I really was a ghost hiding in your shadow.
Please I beg you to stop staring at me, do not touch me. Why won't you leave me alone? Why do you need to put me through all of this?
You are sick, yet I understand you. You were like a sister, or so you pretended to be. You acted like you were here for me, but when you had the first chance to run away without a secound thought you did it. You backstabbed me, huh, guess I kind of deserved it.
Although you caused a lot of pain, I have to thank you. You did an awesome job of showing me the right way. Guess I'm just mad at my self for letting you leave, I'm sorry for not being a good friend. I really am sorry for not helping you, I just got carried away when you said that you just need me to be me. Now I know that it was a lie. I'm younger yet I was the adult in our conversations, but the whole "be you" conversation turned me in the childish idiot I was.  I'm not blaming you, I just miss you... A lot. You were the onlyone who tried to understand me, the onlything left now is to thank you for your time. I'm greatful for your presence, I wish nothing but the best for you! Hope you are happy, wherever you are.

Loneliness is my only friend

Whole day spent on thinking, wondering, but mostly being frightened by the thought of being alone. Although I've always felt loneliness, today was the first time I was afraid of it. It's not the being alone thing that scares me, no that is quite normal for me, I'm afraid of being used, I'm afraid of being ignored by those who I love and care about the most. Life is too short to be alone, but sometimes that's the only way out of a crisis. Loneliness is the only friend I really have, she is always there for me. Funny how you always meet new people, ditching your old friends just to hang out with the "cool" people. Endless cycle of screwing around, acting polite just to be liked, but when that fails you are eager to get in touch with the people who gave everything for you. Guess you are nothing more than a user and an abuser. I cannot believe that I fell for your sweet talk, cannot believe that I was lied to.
The more I think about it the more angry I get... I've always tried to help you when you needed it the most, but now once you have no use of me, you just find reasons why not to be around me. I know it's not my fault, well not this time. I know you too well, you got mad because you found someone who can replace me, you found someone that is a better version of me, or at least you think that, like many times before.
In every friendship I had, I ended up being used. I just wonder if I will ever find a real friend. That's why I do not believe in friendship, the only real friends are those who you grew up with, those friends know  your pain, they know your past,present and are helping you build a better future. It's hard to find friends like those, and the people who are willing to stay, well let me put it this way, they deserve a perfect treatment.

Life is about decisions

Life is based on the daily decisions we make. We always have more than one option, we just need to open our eyes in order to see all of the opportunities we have. I remember when we started talking for the first time, we couldn't stand each other but as time passed we became close friends, or so I believed.
I remember when you said that you easily get bored of your friends and I remember how you promised that we will always be friends, I guess I've been lied to again. Quickly after you started socializing you forgot me, I remember when you said that you would never trade me for anything, well now you did. You exchanged me for couple of new friends, I guess I became boring. I one of those "friends" which will always be here for you, but you will only talk to me when you will feel alone because your so called new friends cannot understand you the way I can. You said that it's not your fault, when actually it is. You chose to forget your "old" and "not so cool" friends, but I kind of understand why you continue to do so.
I remember spending nights chatting with you, listening to music together and watching movies. I miss those days, and I miss you even more. I know that I wasn't the best type of a friend but I was me, you lied that you liked me for what I am, you even made me promise that I will never change.
Although whatever you do, I will always support you owing to the fact that you have picked me up so many times. But I think this friendship was not meant to last, I guess we just go our separate ways and try to move on.

Badb

Badb is a friend of mine, well I love her like a sister,love her to death. She is always here for me, she always understands me and helps me throughout hard time. Badb is a sweet girl, she has a really cute smile, she is smart and just like her name wise and always fighting for what's right! We both make fun of each other but I know that we respect each other. She often gets mad at me and my dumb jokes, just that makes me quite mad, although she always finds a way to crack me up. Such a sweet heart! I hate seeing her hurt, she deserves no pain for she is as pure as a tear.
  I know that lately Badb hasn't been herself, she tries to hide the pain by lying to herself and everyone around her! She says that she is OK yet she's hurt. No pain shall be hidden for it will become much more than temporary damage. What ever is going through her head I cannot know, all I can say I want nothing but the best for Badb, because a friend like her is hard to find nowadays and I would do anything to keep her. I hope I'm over exaggerating for you should always be happy and trust me Badb I will do anything in my power to repay you because you helped me get trough a lot!