What's up with you

We all have that one psycho in our life, too bad I was in love with that person for a really long time. At first you seemed normal, hell, I even thought that you are the greatest person I've ever met. It took me a while to figure you out, when I did I was surprised but that didn't prevent me from loving you. No, what killed my love were the stories you told. You became depressed so I thought that it was a good time to tell you how I feel, you took it for granted and thought that I didn't have other friends, you thought that I was you. You tried to use me, but failed miserably so you told me that I was full of myself. Soon after you met new people, you made friends, but you didn't know that they were our mutual friends so you started talking shit behind my back thinking that I will never find out.
I thought that it was time to give you a little update about my feelings towards you, and to be honest I wasn't worried about your reaction because I was fed up. I remember that you didn't like what I said because I told you that you've either changed or that I finally found out what kind of a person you are. To be honest I'm glad that we stopped talking, because you showed your true colours, you salute everyone I'm talking to and start conversations with them just to see my reactions, too bad you are only making me laugh.
Yesterday, you acknowledged my presence, you even greeted me and when I asked you if we were still talking you told me that we needed to sort things out, so today I texted you asking if there was really anything to talk about you gave me a negative answer. Such a pitty I was in the mood of telling you how much bullshit you are. Although I really shouldn't get too full of myself, because if it weren't for a friend of mine I'd never be able to realise how spineless I was. Yeah it's weird how her two-sentence statement did a lot more than you ever did.

Letter 2: Aibh

We've known each other for a long time, we had our rivalry but became friends after a while. We spent so many nights talking, debating, laughing. I soon developed a crush which you noticed but you acted like you didn't know just because you liked the attention I was giving you.
I have to say, we both changed a lot since our first conversation. For the better or worse, I do not know but what I know is that we aren't those same brats talking about stupid topics. I looked up our chat history a while ago, it was an eye opening experience for me. I saw how you used me, but it helped me recognize the lies told by others.
Sometimes I wish that I've never met you, however for what it was worth it was worth all the while.
It's a good thing that not everything goes as planned. Imagine what a boring place it would be then, nothing to take you by surprise, nothing to keep your adrenaline rushing. I cannot imagine my self living in such world, but I know you'd love to because you always hated changes of a plan.
I hate how I had to tell thousands of lies just to make sure you are happy. Trust me that will never happen again, I will never again tell a lie just so you can feel better!

You aren't that innocent

You used to make me feel like I could walk on water, I write about you all the time but I bet I don't run through your mind. You're the reason why I cannot sleep at night. I thought that I saw something in you, something worth fighting for, well actually I did I saw disaster masked as headstrongness, I saw jealous disguised as kindness.
Now there is nothing to fight for since you showed your true colors, you run around gossiping about me thinking that you know me. You think that I believed your lies and that I trusted you with my secrets, huh, you couldn't be more wrong. I had to twist my words to protect my self from your failure, I guess it's just a part of my nature to hide in my shell when someone wants to do harm.
Knowing that you lied to me you still made me think about you, I usually spend the nights kicking cans and digging into my pockets, thinking about my actions over and over. Thinking about why you didn't put a stop to this earlier, after all you knew that I had a crush on you. Huh, guess you really are in love with the attention you get. You love it until someone gets a firm grip of your act, once they figure out what you are doing you try to protect yourself by blaming everything on others. You think that you will be the "innocent" girl in their eyes forever.
All I have to say is that all of a sudden I stopped feeling so insecure and it's all thanks to your little act. All thanks to you, to your little game of wanting to be a grow up when you are still your daddy's little princess.
I cannot believe that it took me so long to understand that you are not worth all the trouble. It took me a goddamn long time to lay down my arms and give up the fight. But hey better late than never.

Eimear

First thing that comes on my mind is Eimear. She possess the most beautiful smile I've ever seen and her voice, well her voice is out of this world. Put in simple words she possesses the "six gifts of womanhood". I've seen her once or twice but it was enough to carve a memory that I will keep forever with hopes of talking to you once more. Not sure what I feel towards you, all I can say is lately you've crossed my mind one too many times, yet I do nothing about that. Maybe you don't remember me, in a while it will be a whole year since I met you and I remember that day just like it was yesterday.
I see how my crush and friend are getting closer and closer, yet it doesn't bother me, I do not even care because I met you Eimear. Wish I could talk with you in person, sadly I cannot... It's not that I do not want to, simply put I'm asocial. It's hard for me to start conversations or to keep one going.
My thoughts are like a carousel, going round and round and by the look of it I'm guessing my life is a broken dream going up and down spending another night alone staring at the TV wishing for your haunting presence.
Just don't forget to think about me and I won't forget you, but I haven't been this scared in a long time when I think about what could go wrong if I tell you what I feel.

Changes ruin people

Simplicity is the answer to an utterly beautiful life, but that is not in our nature. We are the perfect living beings yet we are the most disgusting, most brutal, vile among others. Doing everything that is in your power just to make someone happy, when suddenly someone walks in with what they wish for, with what you were trying to achieve just for them, huh, such a strange world. You won't even receive a thank you, but instead of staying quite you choose to speak with the thought that your words will matter. Haven't you learned anything? If you actions won't matter to them why on earth do you think that your words will make a difference? You will be empty like the day after Christmas, everyone will talk about you, little will like you.
What will happen to you, only time will tell, paranoia will never leave you. Your last hope will burn down, your emotions will be blown out by the tides, you will become what you hate the most.
But that will only happen once the person who screw you over will be asking for your help. Yes, only then you will know what a sadist feels. You will be the one in control, you will be the one hurting people. That is the only feeling worth living for once you are hurt, betrayed, destroyed. That is the only time when your dreams will come real. Only then will your insomnia end, only then you will feel happiness again. None will be able to save them. No one.

Loneliness is my only friend

Whole day spent on thinking, wondering, but mostly being frightened by the thought of being alone. Although I've always felt loneliness, today was the first time I was afraid of it. It's not the being alone thing that scares me, no that is quite normal for me, I'm afraid of being used, I'm afraid of being ignored by those who I love and care about the most. Life is too short to be alone, but sometimes that's the only way out of a crisis. Loneliness is the only friend I really have, she is always there for me. Funny how you always meet new people, ditching your old friends just to hang out with the "cool" people. Endless cycle of screwing around, acting polite just to be liked, but when that fails you are eager to get in touch with the people who gave everything for you. Guess you are nothing more than a user and an abuser. I cannot believe that I fell for your sweet talk, cannot believe that I was lied to.
The more I think about it the more angry I get... I've always tried to help you when you needed it the most, but now once you have no use of me, you just find reasons why not to be around me. I know it's not my fault, well not this time. I know you too well, you got mad because you found someone who can replace me, you found someone that is a better version of me, or at least you think that, like many times before.
In every friendship I had, I ended up being used. I just wonder if I will ever find a real friend. That's why I do not believe in friendship, the only real friends are those who you grew up with, those friends know  your pain, they know your past,present and are helping you build a better future. It's hard to find friends like those, and the people who are willing to stay, well let me put it this way, they deserve a perfect treatment.

Love destroys everything

Everything happens for a reason
Everything happens within a season
I think about you everyday
But I'm not worthy to play
I was set up on dead bet
Putting all hopes to bed
I enjoyed the little rushed you had
Standing close to death
But I cannot lie it was driving me crazy

And now when you are physically so close to me
I cannot talk to you
I cannot even hug you
What happened?
What did I do wrong?
Was all of this my doing?
Or do you simply dislike me 'cause I'm different
You told me to never change
Yet you were the one who changed me
You told me that you enjoyed spending time together
Yet you ran away from me

I have an urge to scream and cry
But grown ups shouldn't whine
I've never been this much in love
To tell you the truth I don't know if I've been in love before
You were a great example of what I should avoid
Because girls like you make me annoyed and destroyed
Now I'm left paranoid