The years go fast when you're just a little fly that has no perception of time

 I've seen you going through my thoughts again,
try to make up of what's inside my head,
slowly reading through my old mess.

Haunted by the past in the present,
the remarks that were made all lacked of presence,
everything I said is just void in essence.
Sincerity for us was an abundance of lies,
so we blossomed into wingless, motionless flies,
haunted by the present in the past.

So once again,
I've written the issues on a list,
trying to find out the gist.

Haunted by the past

I cannot take this any longer. I am slowly losing my might. I cannot keep up with the present and I cannot see my future. I'm cursed with an eye which is capable of only seeing the past, an eye that sees no light, an eye that is holding me back. Slowly but surely I am losing my mind.
I feel like this life is a movie with the worst plot. A movie about a lonely guy trying to find where he is standing at, goddamn it, he cannot even look at his self, let alone face the world. A movie where the protagonist is a loser who doesn't know when to give up or shut up.
It's sad to say that I am the protagonist of a story with no meaning. The protagonist with eyes that are only seeing the past and present. People say that I'm still young, that there is so much to be explored and experienced, but what do they know? Do they even know what my story is?
They are just a bunch of judgmental pricks, thinking that they know everything... Huh, no wonder why I'm sick of this place. I cannot stand those backstabbing friends.
That is the main reason why I do not share my private life, I do not want to ruin the future I cannot see. Although I'm not sure what good is the life where you cannot leave the past, it's like being with one foot in the grave. A grave filled with unpleasant memories and untold stories.
Yet the other foot brings hope, it is fighting the pain from the events that no longer exist. It gives me a reason to live another day, to wake up and do something. The eye that sees the present sees much clearer, but I'm afraid that it won't be enough in the near future.

Nothing is the same

I guess it's that time of the year again. I guess I will have to put up with you again, huh, good thing you cannot stand me either. I cannot wait for all those boring days where we have to sit next to each other,for the days when we will have to work together.
No wonder why I'm depressed knowing that I have to communicate with douchebags. Ahh, why do I have to coexist with such people...
I remember when I was young the world it was smaller, the cities were vast and the buildings were taller, the people were nicer and my parents seemed stronger. Back when I was just getting warned, huh, yeah they warned me about many things. Back when my generation wasn't fucked up...
I miss those days, days when I still felt alive and when I couldn't wait to get outside. All I do is now is sitting in my room being isolated from the real world, thinking about life itself, studying, while most of my generation is going out to drink until they have a blackout.
Time passed so quickly, years went by without me even noticing it. Guess we all grow old faster than we think. We change our interests as we grow, we even lose the trust of some people just by letting time pass by... Such a strange world we grew up in.

Life then and now

Being alive yet having no life left, that is what you will feel if you walk a mile in my sneakers. I meet people that are too perfect, or so I think. Little do I know I'm befriending fools, deceivers, liars, renegades. Everything I try to do ends up being pointless. Never understood what's so great about life when you cannot share it with someone. It feels like no one wants to listen to what you have to say, no matter how important it is.
Hah, here I am laughing at myself because I do not want to admit it that I'm too depressed. I remember when I was just a child, I remember the days when I still felt alive, when I couldn't wait to go outside, the world was so wide back than and now here I am I cannot wait till I get home just to pass the time in my room all alone. I was so naive back then, such an innocent child, I thought that this world was a beautiful place.
I hate how little changed in this world, but I've completely changed. Now I see this world with disgust, nothing more than a place filled with beautiful things that are waiting to be ruined by mankind. I just want to go outside and scream and swear. I hate it how everyone tells me that time will make everything better, hell, I hate it when I tell myself that time will make everything better. The only thing that can make this world a better place is a loved one.
Yeah, I know it's cheesy but I think it's true. In a time when everyone backstabs each other, I think that finding a bastard you love with all your heart will make everything more easier. Too bad I cannot experience that. All I've been doing is falling in love with the wrong people, with people who seemed so sweet at the start, but the start was all wrong. People who said that they speak from their hearts, altough their hearts' all gone. Yet out of all people you make my time stand still, you are live vilence to me, you kill me, yet you have me forever and after. I feel like a hostage with a stockholm syndrome when I'm around you. You want it to be your way, no matter what, even if it means putting my life in danger just for your own benefit and within the same moment I immediately do what you say. She is unstoppable, unpredictable, I'm so jaded,calculated and WRONG. Please take me home, it's too late now, I'm gone.
I'm lost in this world, confused, tired, destroyed. I'm a real case of walking dead. I'm lifeless even though I'm alive.

Past,Future but not the Present

   If you'd be able to pick only one moment that passed just to relive it again,which one would it be? Would you choose to be with somebody you adore, a milestone you achieved or a last farewell with a special someone?
 You know how as time passes people go and change well, feelings do the same too, but the moments spent with the one you love will remain in the loop, and just to be loved and adored is all that I want to feel, I want to be appreciated and accepted for who I am. Is it wrong if I'm wanting to feel the love that wasn't supposed to be?