Life then and now

Being alive yet having no life left, that is what you will feel if you walk a mile in my sneakers. I meet people that are too perfect, or so I think. Little do I know I'm befriending fools, deceivers, liars, renegades. Everything I try to do ends up being pointless. Never understood what's so great about life when you cannot share it with someone. It feels like no one wants to listen to what you have to say, no matter how important it is.
Hah, here I am laughing at myself because I do not want to admit it that I'm too depressed. I remember when I was just a child, I remember the days when I still felt alive, when I couldn't wait to go outside, the world was so wide back than and now here I am I cannot wait till I get home just to pass the time in my room all alone. I was so naive back then, such an innocent child, I thought that this world was a beautiful place.
I hate how little changed in this world, but I've completely changed. Now I see this world with disgust, nothing more than a place filled with beautiful things that are waiting to be ruined by mankind. I just want to go outside and scream and swear. I hate it how everyone tells me that time will make everything better, hell, I hate it when I tell myself that time will make everything better. The only thing that can make this world a better place is a loved one.
Yeah, I know it's cheesy but I think it's true. In a time when everyone backstabs each other, I think that finding a bastard you love with all your heart will make everything more easier. Too bad I cannot experience that. All I've been doing is falling in love with the wrong people, with people who seemed so sweet at the start, but the start was all wrong. People who said that they speak from their hearts, altough their hearts' all gone. Yet out of all people you make my time stand still, you are live vilence to me, you kill me, yet you have me forever and after. I feel like a hostage with a stockholm syndrome when I'm around you. You want it to be your way, no matter what, even if it means putting my life in danger just for your own benefit and within the same moment I immediately do what you say. She is unstoppable, unpredictable, I'm so jaded,calculated and WRONG. Please take me home, it's too late now, I'm gone.
I'm lost in this world, confused, tired, destroyed. I'm a real case of walking dead. I'm lifeless even though I'm alive.

Same routine

Not doing anything in your life is called being dead. Always finding an excuse just to be alone, saying no to friends who care about you and refusing to communicate is making you nothing more than a useless person who does nothing. But every day is the same and every day's a sin for you, following the same routine claiming to be asocial when you really are just afraid to admit that YOU decide to be alone. I found out that I am one of those who blame their so call "asociality" for their failures, for their loneliness saying they are not at fault, saying they can't do anything about it!
Saying no to everything will never change a thing, I know this because if I didn't say "yes" that day I would've never met you. I remember how I embarrassed myself in front of you, no wonder why you still remember who I am, although a full year passed. Meeting you in the park was the main reason why I spent my  whole summer there with hopes of seeing you again. Don't make fun of me but I knew that the park was not your first go-to place but it was my best choice, had the biggest chance of seeing you there.
After meeting you I'm slowly fighting my urge to be alone, knowing that it's not the right way to be in a mind set where all I want to do is sit in my room, do nothing, speak nothing or hear nothing. I cannot lie I love being isolated from the world but I know that it's not the right way, I understood that when I met you. Besides you showed me that I shouldn't be ashamed of who I am and what I do or what I think and what I say, you showed me that if I have confidence in myself I can accomplish anything. It's funny how you showed me all of this with only one simple "hello". I promise not to you but to myself, next time I'll see you I will thank you for that. For an Anarchist-atheist like me, who spent most of his days GAMING, finding confidence to accomplish anything is like bypassing through out the nine circles of hell, yet with your help it was no more than a walk in the park - literally. All I want to say, no matter who you are know that someone is grateful for your greetings and hugs. Sometimes that's all what we need to make us feel better, to help us, to change us or save us.