Changes ruin people

Simplicity is the answer to an utterly beautiful life, but that is not in our nature. We are the perfect living beings yet we are the most disgusting, most brutal, vile among others. Doing everything that is in your power just to make someone happy, when suddenly someone walks in with what they wish for, with what you were trying to achieve just for them, huh, such a strange world. You won't even receive a thank you, but instead of staying quite you choose to speak with the thought that your words will matter. Haven't you learned anything? If you actions won't matter to them why on earth do you think that your words will make a difference? You will be empty like the day after Christmas, everyone will talk about you, little will like you.
What will happen to you, only time will tell, paranoia will never leave you. Your last hope will burn down, your emotions will be blown out by the tides, you will become what you hate the most.
But that will only happen once the person who screw you over will be asking for your help. Yes, only then you will know what a sadist feels. You will be the one in control, you will be the one hurting people. That is the only feeling worth living for once you are hurt, betrayed, destroyed. That is the only time when your dreams will come real. Only then will your insomnia end, only then you will feel happiness again. None will be able to save them. No one.

Loneliness is my only friend

Whole day spent on thinking, wondering, but mostly being frightened by the thought of being alone. Although I've always felt loneliness, today was the first time I was afraid of it. It's not the being alone thing that scares me, no that is quite normal for me, I'm afraid of being used, I'm afraid of being ignored by those who I love and care about the most. Life is too short to be alone, but sometimes that's the only way out of a crisis. Loneliness is the only friend I really have, she is always there for me. Funny how you always meet new people, ditching your old friends just to hang out with the "cool" people. Endless cycle of screwing around, acting polite just to be liked, but when that fails you are eager to get in touch with the people who gave everything for you. Guess you are nothing more than a user and an abuser. I cannot believe that I fell for your sweet talk, cannot believe that I was lied to.
The more I think about it the more angry I get... I've always tried to help you when you needed it the most, but now once you have no use of me, you just find reasons why not to be around me. I know it's not my fault, well not this time. I know you too well, you got mad because you found someone who can replace me, you found someone that is a better version of me, or at least you think that, like many times before.
In every friendship I had, I ended up being used. I just wonder if I will ever find a real friend. That's why I do not believe in friendship, the only real friends are those who you grew up with, those friends know  your pain, they know your past,present and are helping you build a better future. It's hard to find friends like those, and the people who are willing to stay, well let me put it this way, they deserve a perfect treatment.

Love in vain

Falling in love with someone who you should not even like, let alone love. You are what everyone said that you will be, beautiful, shy, with an amazing voice, you are what everyone likes. You were there, you could feel my pain we both know that, but I noticed something that no one else couldn't. You knew how I felt because you were there too, but you hide it with a smile that is truly mesmerizing. I know you had no interest in me, I wonder why I'm always hypnotized by those who don't even want to speak to me. I'm broken and I see myself as a living dead because of people like YOU, I'm nothing more than a shadow of what I once was-I reckon. I see myself in the mirror everyday with disgrace, and as time goes by I'm more and more ashamed of what I've become.
I'm haunted by memories of people I loved and trusted, afraid of their return, afraid of trusting them again, afraid of getting hurt again.
Please forgive me for ignoring you, it's just I don't want to play another game of "tag" where just like before I'll be the loser. People say that I'm asocial, that I'm weird and different even she has told me that but I know you aren't like them, you would never say that to anyone. Although there is one thing I want you to know, She is something special, She is like a drug to me, we can't stand each other yet we can't live without one another, however I don't love her anymore and I hope she is happy 'cause I know I am when I'm around you. I'm saying this just to tell YOU that those lies they are going to tell you shouldn't be believed, She is just a friend, or less. I love no one that's for sure, I'm not capable to love nor I know how to do so, that is the reason why I'm trying to avoid you. I do not want to love anyone because I know that it will be in vain.