Nothing is the same

I guess it's that time of the year again. I guess I will have to put up with you again, huh, good thing you cannot stand me either. I cannot wait for all those boring days where we have to sit next to each other,for the days when we will have to work together.
No wonder why I'm depressed knowing that I have to communicate with douchebags. Ahh, why do I have to coexist with such people...
I remember when I was young the world it was smaller, the cities were vast and the buildings were taller, the people were nicer and my parents seemed stronger. Back when I was just getting warned, huh, yeah they warned me about many things. Back when my generation wasn't fucked up...
I miss those days, days when I still felt alive and when I couldn't wait to get outside. All I do is now is sitting in my room being isolated from the real world, thinking about life itself, studying, while most of my generation is going out to drink until they have a blackout.
Time passed so quickly, years went by without me even noticing it. Guess we all grow old faster than we think. We change our interests as we grow, we even lose the trust of some people just by letting time pass by... Such a strange world we grew up in.

Letter 2: Aibh

We've known each other for a long time, we had our rivalry but became friends after a while. We spent so many nights talking, debating, laughing. I soon developed a crush which you noticed but you acted like you didn't know just because you liked the attention I was giving you.
I have to say, we both changed a lot since our first conversation. For the better or worse, I do not know but what I know is that we aren't those same brats talking about stupid topics. I looked up our chat history a while ago, it was an eye opening experience for me. I saw how you used me, but it helped me recognize the lies told by others.
Sometimes I wish that I've never met you, however for what it was worth it was worth all the while.
It's a good thing that not everything goes as planned. Imagine what a boring place it would be then, nothing to take you by surprise, nothing to keep your adrenaline rushing. I cannot imagine my self living in such world, but I know you'd love to because you always hated changes of a plan.
I hate how I had to tell thousands of lies just to make sure you are happy. Trust me that will never happen again, I will never again tell a lie just so you can feel better!

You aren't that innocent

You used to make me feel like I could walk on water, I write about you all the time but I bet I don't run through your mind. You're the reason why I cannot sleep at night. I thought that I saw something in you, something worth fighting for, well actually I did I saw disaster masked as headstrongness, I saw jealous disguised as kindness.
Now there is nothing to fight for since you showed your true colors, you run around gossiping about me thinking that you know me. You think that I believed your lies and that I trusted you with my secrets, huh, you couldn't be more wrong. I had to twist my words to protect my self from your failure, I guess it's just a part of my nature to hide in my shell when someone wants to do harm.
Knowing that you lied to me you still made me think about you, I usually spend the nights kicking cans and digging into my pockets, thinking about my actions over and over. Thinking about why you didn't put a stop to this earlier, after all you knew that I had a crush on you. Huh, guess you really are in love with the attention you get. You love it until someone gets a firm grip of your act, once they figure out what you are doing you try to protect yourself by blaming everything on others. You think that you will be the "innocent" girl in their eyes forever.
All I have to say is that all of a sudden I stopped feeling so insecure and it's all thanks to your little act. All thanks to you, to your little game of wanting to be a grow up when you are still your daddy's little princess.
I cannot believe that it took me so long to understand that you are not worth all the trouble. It took me a goddamn long time to lay down my arms and give up the fight. But hey better late than never.

Letter 1: Ar

I never thought that it will come to this, me writing a letter just to express how I'm feeling. I'm just wondering what went wrong since you aren't saying a word. It's been a year since we met, sicne we chose OUR favorite song, OUR favorite movie. I guess this world is cursed and plagued without a possible escape route. I'm just wondering what I did to piss you off...
Now I am so sick of those crappy love songs on the radio. I'm sick of them because we used to listen to them together, we used to sing along, we used to have fun. What did become of our friendship? We became strangers in a matter of seconds. You were not the first person to go, but you hurt the most...
I remember our long conversations, I even remember the silence and how it was broken with your cute laughter. You were everything I wished for, a friend that knows how I feel without having to explain anything, but suddenly you turned into a landslide while I was resembling the city beneath you.
Huh, all those conversations about being here for each other... Guess I should've never believed words, I should've known that talk is cheap.
Well I do not know about you but I am afraid of being alone, I'm afraid of leaving tonight. I think I'm lost without you. I know that this is useless because I am young and stupid, remaining wide and open while my heart is wasted. I know this because every time I try to look for you the sun goes down, leaving a void in my day. Void filled with darkness, aggression and depression.
Hell, I even miss you like the summer.

Feelings shouldn't always stay hidden

She is alive
Or so I believe
She dived in
And got kicked down
Never got up
She got caught
In a battle she shouldn't have known about
She fought my battle
And now I cannot do anything to ease her pain
Everything she did was in vain
I am the one to blame
I should be ashamed
Somehow I'm not
A monster is what I've become
Damage is all I've done
But not to me
Thats the problem
Everyone around me is getting hurt
People I care about are now in the dirt
Never knew what power could bring
It corrupts the good and destroys evil
It hurts me to see her suffer
I remember sleeping on and on on the stairwell
I remember when we fell apart on the weekends
I liked the little rush she got
When she was standing close to death
Like when she was driving me crazy
You know I never told her that she meant something to me
It's all my fault

Every story is unique

It's hard to hold on to this, whatever it is. It's almost impossible to control the emotions. I have to liberate myself from all the limits I set upon me, I have to understand my true potential in order to achieve anything. Sitting in a closed room won't help me in life, yet somehow I continue to do so... I'm afraid of the real world, mostly of the feelings and emotions i will have to encounter, afraid of the people I will have to meet. I'm not afraid of them because of some mental illness, no, I'm afraid because most people are selfish, jealous, callous. I'm afraid of them because I might become one of them. I'm scared of what they can do just so they can achieve a goal.
I'm a judgmental prick I know that not everyone is like that, but let's be honest most of them are. This summer was full of experience and I'm grateful for having the chance to meet and spend time with the awesome people who stormed into my life, they are the proof of my previous statement. Still I am haunted by memories of people hurting each other, the thing I fear the most, people betraying each other.
Somehow this world has become corrupted, filled with evil, not even love can make it a better place now. Knowing that there is no cure for the world, what cure can there be for me? If we cannot save the world how are we going to save each other... How can I save myself from a broken heart? How can I save myself from losing someone? How will I be able to stop the pain?
Is it worth going through hell just to find the answers? But I guess giving up isn't quite the answer we are looking, huh such a small world with so many decisions. The story of every life feels like a plot of a video game, where every living being is the protagonist of their story, stories that never repeat. Stories with different endings, each being unique.
Although nothing is perfect, we still wish to achieve such thing in our short but beautiful lives. We wish something that doesn't exist, we wish for something so usual yet never existing. We wish for perfection just like I'm wishing for you. Huh, I guess in the end I didn't hold on, I didn't stop myself from the emotions. I guess that's how life works.

Thank you for your time

Most of the time, I do not think of you, but when I do I ask myself why do I bother to stay while you are running away. Are you feeling severing? Or is it just your need to toy with people around you? I thought that we drew closer than ever, I knew that the feeling I get when you were around wasn't just my imagination. I guess I really was a ghost hiding in your shadow.
Please I beg you to stop staring at me, do not touch me. Why won't you leave me alone? Why do you need to put me through all of this?
You are sick, yet I understand you. You were like a sister, or so you pretended to be. You acted like you were here for me, but when you had the first chance to run away without a secound thought you did it. You backstabbed me, huh, guess I kind of deserved it.
Although you caused a lot of pain, I have to thank you. You did an awesome job of showing me the right way. Guess I'm just mad at my self for letting you leave, I'm sorry for not being a good friend. I really am sorry for not helping you, I just got carried away when you said that you just need me to be me. Now I know that it was a lie. I'm younger yet I was the adult in our conversations, but the whole "be you" conversation turned me in the childish idiot I was.  I'm not blaming you, I just miss you... A lot. You were the onlyone who tried to understand me, the onlything left now is to thank you for your time. I'm greatful for your presence, I wish nothing but the best for you! Hope you are happy, wherever you are.

It's your turn to suffer

Ever since our conversation, it's like you went missing. Not a single sign from you, you do not even go out with your "friends" anymore. Looks like my prophecy was right, they were just using you. I cannot say that you've changed, because you still remain the same lying,pathetic fool. You still try tricking people into believing your innocence, while I'm getting my shovel to dig in deeper just to bury the castle. The castle of glass and lies you've created.
It's just like in my dreams where I can feel your ghost on the dancefloor, crying for more attention. I've never knew that I can do this, never knew that I would be able to cause so much pain upon someone and I cannot lie it feels amazing. Your sojourn in my heart was painful, but this, THIS makes it up for it. Now I am become "Death", destroyer of world, the destroyer of your world, of your dreams. It's like we've become each other. You've been my death for so long, now this is just a mere pay back. And trust me, this is only the beginning!