Light that brings me home

With a warmth inside I'm heading home.
Shadows fall as I walk into the dark,
slowly losing the sight of my goals.
Alone, I have killed the sun,
now even the moon fears me.
No one by my side,
getting ready to give up,
I stopped,
opened my eyes,
I saw a light that was running towards me.
Soon a relaxing laugh followed,
in my mind it was hallowed.
The light shone brighter and brighter,
leading me to my personal heaven.
I couldn't believe my eyes,
who on earth would be so twisted,
who'd play such a cruel joke.
I rub my eyes in disbelief,
it was no joke,
the light was real.
With the first touch I realized,
you were the spark,
you were the light.

This month brings old pain

I need something to keep me warm through this winter,
your words froze making me feel like a goner.
This weather is the enemy,
slow and deadly in my fantasy,
your movement on the ice that cracks,
makes me wonder, about the chaos, that follows.
All these days do not pass,
my heart turned black, twas killed by your hand.
I need someone, someone that's not you.
I want to be loved again,
just not in the way you did,
not the love that you gave.
That was a curse and a mistake.
Your smile once had warmth,
now it's the reason for the darkness in this cold December.
Your laugh used to be your charm,
now its a source of harm.
Your beauty was a blessing,
now it's a woken nightmare.
You are the reason why this long cold winter hurts.

Your mistakes are my burden

  Caught myself thinking of the past, everything that I hoped to last. Everything I do is somehow connected with all of the things I've done for you. I gave up my free time just so  you can have what you wanted, just so you can have the attention you asked for.
  We slowly came closer, as time went by I missed you when you were away. You told me lies that I believed. Once again you managed to deceive.
I tried to leave you but I never could, I came back to you like I always do. I came back wanting you to for give me for the mistakes that you've done, I wanted forgiveness for something I didn't do.
And after all of our troubles, you decided to leave without saying a word. You left after you told me the truth. The truth about your feelings, deeds and plans. Was that the truth you wanted me to believe or was it the truth you believed in... I guess I will never know.
All that is left now are the three words I constantly repeat, all is left is to let you know that somehow, for whatever reason I miss you.

Comfort

I had no interest in change,
found my comfort zone,
I wanted to stay there.
I had no interest in change,
none what so ever,
zero,
But then I met you,
I saw your innocent smile,
felt the warmness of your hugs,
the smell of your hair,
and bliss from your eyes.
I turned a new page,
in a new untouched book,
a book pure of emotions.

Light awakens feelings

The morning light pierced through my window,
waking me up from my dream,
in which I was holding your hand.
I never had the intention to get up,
but my phone delivered your messages.
It gave me a reason to open my eyes,
you gave me a reason to wash my face,
you showed me the beauty of the morning light.
Now I spend the nights,
waiting for the light to bring you closer,
not knowing that you'll always be as far as possible.
Emotionally we will never be close,
I love you as much as you hate my company.
You don't want to say it, but it's true,
you can't stand me at all!

Staying warm during the cold season

  The fall is slowly coming to an end, although these feelings did not fade. Every year is like the one before, I jealously observe the actions of those that are around you. The weather makes me feel unpleasant, the smell of winter makes me worried, making me fear the season I love the most.
  As snow falls the feelings start to burn, keeping me warm and safe, making me push away the things I love. Pushing you away..
  How can one guy stop this fading, is it not possible to find the cure for all of this...
I'm tired of the same story every year, the same problems that I can't overcome. For once I want to feel something new, I want to see something that has not been seen, I want to be something I'm not.
  I want to be with you!

The sadness behind the sweet melody

The way you express yourself,
through suicidal songs,
brings a tear to my eye,
and tores out my heart.
You speak as you are ready to go,
wanting to leave us behind,
with our memories of your sadness and fake smiles.
The pain you've experienced,
it is like no other,
and you should know that you'll never be a bother.
Every time I try to help,
every time I try to be there,
I end up hurting you.
Can't even take your mind off of your troubles,
somehow I always manage to pop your safe bubble.
Instead of helping I ask you questions,
making you think of life and it's darkness,
I ask questions I should have never mentioned.
No help ever came from me,
slowly I caused more pain and harm than I ever prevented.

  Unaware I push you to your limits, not knowing that you are near the end. As I continue doing so you pretend as if everything is fine, trying to prove me wrong hoping I won't see through your white lies, but I suffer as much as you do therefore I know what you are going through, or at least I think I do. My selfishness doesn't let me help you, nor will I ever be able to. I always apologize but then I go back doing what I already did, harming you over and over.

Time after time your songs send a chill down my bones,
once again you're hurt,
once more I caused it.
The suicidal thoughts never leave your head,
leaving you wondering about your deathbed,
wanting all of this to end.
You've never killed anyone, that's what you said,
but you are slowly taking your life away,
turning yourself into clay,
slowly breaking.
What beauty, you are breathtaking.

The method of your lies

I counted the bodies, Lifeless and cold, I counted the heads, That you left confused. I saw through your lies, A method you always use, But this time you are wrong, And I'll see you fall apart. As the the world evolves, You think it revolves around you, But this time you are wrong, As you don't speak the truth. How can you say that you love, When you love only yourself, Now that you're all alone, You'll be left unknown. You believe in your lies, A method you always use, But this time you are wrong, And those who loved you are gone!

Your beauty behind my eyes

Every time you walk by,
I can feel the love coming from the melody of your steps.
Leaving a scent from the joy you spread,
I stand mesmerized.
All your words are kind,
the kind that can save the world.
Looking in the distance, free of worry,
I'm still hypnotized.
You glow as bright as the full moon,
your smile always makes me bloom.
It would be better if it wasn't just my imagination.

View of a child

Awaken, at last,
I saw the night change into day,
the silence was killed by the vigour of the world.
Peace destroyed by beauty,
I watched as the business occupied our lives.
In nights we want light,
during days we crave for darkness.
Every day is a roller coaster,
ride filled with emotions.
We want it to end,
just to remember.

My wish

Made a wish, but it didn't come true,
I wanted to be only with you.
Instead I got the thing I hate the most,
a hand full of people that I don't even know.
I got the life I never wanted
Always ending back where I started.
The path we walk is more than just the present,
we are building our future, together,
and somehow we are always alone.
We are together spending time with the people we can't stand,
spending our days knowing that we all just pretend.
I'm tired of being spineless,
lost and as hopeless as much I am lifeless.
Spending my days the way you want me to,
althought I know I leave it as it is,
and it is all because of your tease.
Can all of this be changed,
can my wish finally be embraced,
I can never love what I got,
as long as it's not what I want.

Lost between doors

Forward you go, although your life stands still. Left, you look, trying to catch a glimpse of the things you don't know. Right, you think, you think as this is your creation. Backwards, you speak, making no sense as you freely roam the hall, the hall of life, opening doors that should forever remain shut, causing pain and distress, causing meltdowns. As you open one door you close another, leaving me behind in a room with light slowly fading. As darkness surrounds me, you lock the door, never looking back, forward you go!

World based on lies is not what we enjoy

Why are we such cowards,
afraid to admit our feelings,
or just to say what's on our minds.

Why do we keep hiding behind masks
thinking that we are protecting the future,
always ending up as our dream's butcher.

How are we not tired of telling lies,
running off in secret playing spies,
to end up finding that love is what everyone wants before they die.

Mutual feelings are real,
we shouldn't be afraid to admit our love,
it's better to be rejected than to run away,
after all life is in our sway.

I can't believe how frequently we ruin something beautiful,
just because of our fears,
just because of our selves,
only to end up blaming others.

Repeated story

I got used to you,
now time doesn't go by without you.
I got used to you,
that I cannot even smile when you're not around.
I got used to you using,
there's no point in whining now yet I still do it.
Can't believe what I did for you,
was I just a toy?
At least you had fun,
you had a blast,
while I slowly think of every word you said.
It hurts me to see you go,
but it hurts more when you're around.
You want attention
although you never gave it,
how can you say you meant anything different
when the only thing you want is causing pain.
You brought loneliness back in my life,
everywhere you go disaster follows,
but you keep on going,
never looking back, not even once.
And now you dare stand infront of me calling me a friend,
how dare you appear before my eyes,
how dare you enter my life once more,
how dare you say that this time it'll be different,
when deep down we both know you're wrong.

Save me

Come and save me now,
I need you here,
I must have you somehow.
Come and save me now,
show me your blue eyes
win me over with your lies.
Come and save me now,
come and warm my heart,
just come and do your part.
I do not ask much,
just please show me love,
Take my spirit and lift it above.
come and save me now,
heal my wounds,
and keep making me laugh.
Show me how to love once more,
show me how to make the hatred go,
show me how to stand strong,
Just please help me not to feel so alone.
Come and save me now,
for you are my only hope.

The story of a student

So you got everything off your chest,
thinking that I will regret my actions,
wanting me to face the sanctions.
You told me I was a know-it-all,
and you wanted me to believe your lies,
you built a wall of emotions,
slowly following my motions,
and proclaiming I'm a fraud,
maybe just maybe you are mad cause I'm better.
What I say is what I know,
What I don't know is what I learn,
you say what you think is right,
not checking facts,
you say it with all your might,
your mind is a paradox,
you said that we were similar,
but I rarely get offended when someones different.
We had the same goal,
but on your way you fell down a hole,
now you are broken with dreams shattered,
so you decided to be my master,
in every story the student becomes better,
you sold out,
so i made my life matter,
you taught me everything you knew,
but your words were wrong,
therefore I left your temple,
I went my own way,
and became something greater,
I surpassed your prodigy son,
and now,now you went on a hunt,
but this time the hunter is being hunted,
the battle of two mind has started,
but I am being hated and villainized for something I didn't do
while you are adored cause you do just that, nothing,
I cannot remember the last time I learned something,
but all you do is take credit for someone else's work
such selfishness and jealousy,
you sicken me!

Letter 4: Badb M.

The last person I trust, somehow I knew tat disaster would struck. You gained my respect now you are slowly killing me.
Badb, I was always there for you, yet you never bothered to ask me if I needed help. You used me just like those that were here before you. I thought I was strong but my heart cannot take this any longer.
But whatever, it's my fault. I don't blame you. I allowed this to happen.
I guess I never learn, but that is something I love about myself!
I don't care anymore, cause when I did it only pulled me down! And enough is enough. I was the one saying that we are responsible for the course our lives take, I said that nothing is predetermined yet I gave up.
I failed more than I succeeded so I gave up. And then what did I do? Nothing! I sat down in a dark room blaming you because you never wondered how I was doing. I blamed you for not being me.
Now I figured that  I was the one who allowed you to do so. I shouldn't be angry at you and I'm not! I'm angry at myself for being a weak and scared bastard, a bastard who was too afraid to take control and hurt your feelings from time to time.
If there is someone who fucked everything up, it's me so I don't know why I was expecting someone to listen to my problems. Why did I thought that you of all people would help me... What was I thinking.... Was it because you told me that you'd always be by my side?
Why did I believe the words of a liar? I remember when you talked crap about people that you disliked back then, should I say that they are your new found friends? You were calling them fat,stupid and ugly, but unlike me you didn't believe that or so it seemed. You were either lying back then because the friends you had were still around or you really meant those things but you befriended them because you lost your old friends.
You disgust me now. I cannot stand you but for whatever reason I cannot ditch you. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I just can't do what you do. I don't want to do what you do. I don't want to become you!

Emotionless and broken

As cold as the ice, As deep as the ocean, My emotions, No longer in motion. Love is gone , Hate is forgotten , Emotionless , I'm becoming rotten . The day of love is near, Allowing me to see clear, Breathless, I'm breaking down. You never loved, Nor did you care , Your words, lied, As my hopes, died. My will is now lost, My life is tied into knots, I'm standing lifeless and still, There is nothing i can feel. You live your life just to win, I live it in order not to get defeated, We are like plus and minus , I'm the clown you're the highness . I'm left empty and broken, With thoughts unclear and words unspoken , Emotionless again, I will never be my former self. I am nothing but a shadow, I'm just a ghost, You were the parasite , I was your host, There are but a few emotions left in me , Those are the ones you cannot see , Emotions that i willingly hide, Grasping time to make up my mind.

Can't stop thinking about you

A year has gone by,
yet I still try,
I try to reach you,
I try to touch you,
still every attempt is a fail.

Your eyes used to be the light,
your smile used to be the way
your laughter used to be inspiring.
Now your absence is my suffering.

I endure only pain,
happiness I no longer gain,
beauty I no longer see,
I'm drowning in misery.

As days go by,
we grow apart more and more,
all I'm left with-a heart that feels sore.
What hurts more is that you've written my lore!
   
You've foreseen my future,
and you knew about my past.
I guess you didn't want it to last!