28 August, 2018

Teen Titans isn't the onlything we have in common

Too stupid now,
to be scared with no way out.
Just frowned upon,
saved my face and yet I'm done.

Don't wanna die, wanna die now!
Wouldn't die for me but I'd die for you.
Don't wanna die, wanna die now!
Wouldn't die for me but I'd die for you.

No not this time,
I won't dig my own grave now.
Please stop me love,
to be in all of this mess.
So you can't just see,
for this odd bad broken dream,
just like fantasy.

Are we enemies,
with no energy,
sadly we've been oh so far away,
oh so far away.
Help me make me stay!

Don't wanna die, wanna die now.
Wouldn't die for me but I'd die for you.
Don't wanna die, wanna die now.
Wouldn't die for me but I'd die for you.

23 August, 2018

Blown out lungs

And so my life it continues to run still,
even after you left me.
All of this time I just wanted to see,
another colour that will paint the sea.

Like a wind,
it's blowing away.
Like the wind,
it goes right by me,
to the ocean where it's hard to see,
where the hell does the land meet.

I wanna move to the place that you know,
try to see everything.
I wanna move to the place that you know,
try seeing everything.

Here I am now,
blowing my lungs out,
on the sea to set the sail.
Do you know what it's like,
to be stuck in the same place.
Do you know what it's like,
to be stuck all on your own.

I wanna lay on top of the deck,
let the sun burn all my skin.
I wanna lay on top of the deck,
let the sun burn off my skin.
I wanna lay on top of the deck,
let the sun burn all my skin.
I wanna lay on top of the deck,
let the sun burn off my skin.

Like a wind,
it's blowing away.
Like the wind,
it goes right by me,
to the ocean where it's hard to see,
just where the hell does the land meet.

I want to stare at the sun,
want to be the only one,
in such times,
your mouth is a gun.
Everything that you can see,
all leads up back to me,
stand motionless like a tree,
all of this,
will fall down inevitably.

I wanna lay on top of the deck,
let the sun burn all my skin.
I wanna lay on top of the deck,
let the sun burn off my skin.
I wanna lay on top of the deck,
let the sun burn all my skin.
I wanna lay on top of the deck,
let the sun burn off my skin.

16 August, 2018

Charging up my powerbank just so I can sleep with all the elecetricity turned off ( I honestly don't know how to unplug my fax machine so I have to turn everything off in case you decide to fax me something at around 3 am or maybe 4, I just want to sleep )

And so I sit alone,
another day where I'm far away from home,
another day where I'm far away from you.

I spend hours on nothing,
my mind is always up to something,
yet I spend hours on nothing.

The tears from my eyes,
just brighten up my vision,
I felt no pain from the collision.

You noticed that I was crying,
you heard me say I'd rather be dying.
So you started to hate,
hate the things that I purposely laid in your mind.

So much hatred,
yet I feel your love,
so much love,
yet I get wasted.

I don't want to think,
not even for a moment.
I don't want to speak,
things that will make me be dishonest.

12 August, 2018

Taking a trip in your seatless, restless car (or was I headless and could not find the headrest)

Like mirror to mirror,
we meet,
face to face,
all this talking,
such a disgrace.

Long lasting,
our late night texting.
Long lasting,
our love is in testing.

Being sober for so long,
it is killing me.
Going out to the beach,
is this life in death?
You are one cute thing,
you are something I need,
something I need,
I need something,
something soon.

I'm always filling the blanks,
trying to think of the wisdom,
from those famous prophets,
those who were destroyed by the power,
power of the hippies.
Times to die,
times to be a cosmic hero.
Time does fly,
it flies so high,
high to death.

11 August, 2018

Is this all a dream or did we actually get married in a virtual chat room game thing?

Let's conjoin our bodies,
become one and the same,
one hug,
lasting forever.

Let's listen to one song on repeat,
rest your head on the car seat,
make sure that it's not 1994,
even thought we are in different cities.

Rush me to the hospital,
take me to the ER,
save me from the waste of a human I'm becoming.

Giving me the love I threw away,
giving me everything I've lost,
I am grateful.

02 August, 2018

This is where I stop.
You always think of something else. 
I wish you could shoot me a message so we could sort everything out, 
  • saying our last goodbye. 

Remember that time you told me that you don't do videos but a week later you sent me a video(which you told me was for your cousin(who doesn't look like a cousin(nor did he act like a cousin)))

Your actions were never put in motion.
The closest thing to "actions" was the time you spent with others.

This will be the longest summer and the warmest winter

Call me a liar,
call me a failure.
I can be whatever you want me to be,
except for a user.
I'd never be your abuser.
I loved you from the bottom of my heart,
but you never believed me,
I loved you even when you wanted me not to.
There's this thing I can never accomplish,
and that is to be with you.
I screwed up,
once or twice.
Maybe more than that...
A lot more...
But I always had respect for you,
and I always will.

I can't believe how someone like you,
someone so gorgeous and pretty,
someone so smart and funny,
would love a failure like me.
How can I believe the words you say,
when you don't even want to spend time with me.
How can I believe that you love me,
when I always got the same answer.

Time after time when I wanted to speak to you,
I got the same answer,
"not now, maybe later".
Well later may never come,
cause I might not be here for long.
I don't want to say this,
but you were a curse and a blessing.
You blessed me with something I thought was love,
you cursed me with emotions I cannot get out of my head.

I cannot love anyone else,
I cannot imagine myself with anyone else.
You are the one that I loved,
you are the one that I'll love.

It's not you,
it's you and your friends,
the stories you've shared.
I understood that I'd never be like them.

I'd waste my nights away just to talk to you,
but the moment when I wanted to hear your voice,
you'd always shut me out,
cut me off.

I might've been paranoid,
who am I kidding I most definitely was.
I still am.
But I know that you will never stay 20,
you're gonna grow older,
be bolder,
you're gonna be stronger,
why would you settle for a weakling like me.

The words you muttered,
with a dozen filters on,
you wanted me to believe them,
when you yourself told me it was for someone else.

I hope I never see you,
just because I know that you wouldn't want to,
I hope I'll never talk to you again,
just because I know that it would kill me.
I know that you wouldn't notice me,
when most of the time,
I recognize you in someone else.