My story of a lonely guy

Every night you are out partying, while I'm locked in my room free willingly parting myself until I escape this oblivion yet you are the one changing and I'm the one who is destroyed.You are a strange inspiration, having a crush on you was no good but I cannot lie it helped me a lot,although it made me wonder about life, about how I should live it, how I should value it...Not sure if its worth explaining but you brought sunshine on this spotless mind, I was crazy about you, I was as happy as a child who just got a candy bar from the candy shop every time you were around me.
Years went by you know how time flies I began to despise your narcissism,selfishness and greed that only left lies in my memories, a broken heart hurts more than a broken spirit but somehow you managed to break them both.
From time to time I wonder what's so special about you? I thought I loved you for your personality but now I realised it was beauty that got to me... I failed myself, how on earth did you do this to me? It took me so long to realise something so simple yet devastating, I was even ready to give up sleep just to spend time with you.
Never knew how easy it was to fail oneself especially when you try so hard not to. Why is love like this? Now all I do is listening to saggy indie/pop punk love songs sent by a friend who shall not be named for she is my true saviour. I find it funny how someone who never saw me physically knows me better than someone who I try to tell everything.
There are even days when I think to myself if I'm mad or just overjoyed not knowing that I was just a toy in a world where people like me have little to no chance of being loved just because we are different, just because we are not ashamed to tell what we feel should be changed or just because our openness towards subjects that most people gain power from. Everyone looks at me differently, they pity me I can feel it, most people talk to me because they are sorry for me because I never learned how to fall in line or how to become another casualty of society not knowing that I'm willingy doing that. They laugh at my way of life, I laugh at their fear of death, they make fun of my dumb actions but once those dumb actions succeed, everyone even your beloved ones try to stop you.
I do not know how they can find justice in love, but I know one thing's for sure. Love isn't my thing I will never be loved nor will I love that's not a promise it's my future.
But in this short and haunting life I've came to a conclusion, nothing is pointless not even a crush that lasted for four years straight. I've learned a lot because of it. You made me the bastard I am today and I would like to remain like this. You've opened my eyes in a weird way, you made me dislike you and your points of view.We knew each other so well yet I hardly knew you. You consciously stabbed knives thinking that I did not see it coming, but I am just a patient man and you know what they say "Patience will be their undoing", trust me they were right.
You called me a betrayer, in truth it was I who was betrayed. Still, I'm hunted. Still, I'm hated. Now my blind eyes see what others cannot, that the hand of fate sometimes must be forced. It was my mistake for never doing so, I gave up without a try, without having a swing. I lost my chance just to be changed. I lost love just to be stronger. Now the only thing that's left for me is to march forward and tell the story of a lonely guy who never found love but found himself. The story of a lonely guy who in the end was not so lonely because of his few but amazing friends who helped him see the world which is not so pink. Friends who warned him about love and The Girl he loved. And even being alone he is never lonely, he has himself. Such a rebel he is, never giving up his hopes and dreams, going against the world just to fulfill his destiny. A guy who cares not if everyone is against him as long as he has someone he can rely on...
Now imagine that guy alone, he would be like a wounded bear, he'd be driven insane not that he isn't right now.
And now there is but one question I want to be answered. Is it all his fault?