I swear the smell of gas in the vegeta only made it tastier

I made a promise that I couldn’t keep,
never brought her for you to meet.
Now there’s sorrow occupying my room,
can tomorrow please come real soon.

From the stories you’ve told me,
I thought you were the best,
tell me again all about your past,
please just one last time tell me about your past.

How you met him,
and how you got into fights,
how you ran away,
and how happy you were that day.

I want to hear your stories,
just one last time,
record all the memories,
so they’ll never die.

Smile one last time,
for me to remember,
get angry, give it one more try,
you said you won’t surrender.

Bring forth the thunder,
that your voice resembled,
waddle to the kitchen,
when you fed the rebel.

Who am I kidding,
you’re in a better place,
I know I’ll never see you again,
hope you know what you meant.

The years go fast when you're just a little fly that has no perception of time

 I've seen you going through my thoughts again,
try to make up of what's inside my head,
slowly reading through my old mess.

Haunted by the past in the present,
the remarks that were made all lacked of presence,
everything I said is just void in essence.
Sincerity for us was an abundance of lies,
so we blossomed into wingless, motionless flies,
haunted by the present in the past.

So once again,
I've written the issues on a list,
trying to find out the gist.

Battlefield of love

Emotional fortress built with broken stones,
Battle ram rushing a chill down my bones. 
Forecast rain and mist, 
Cutting down my sight, 
Loud cries followed by their echoes,
On this battlefield of love.
Throwing spears and arrows, 
Shaped as yelled sentences,
Directed at my heart,
Even the quiet whispers are able to do their part.

As the gates came crushing, 
You just stood still. 
Saw what was inside,
Witnessed the terror within,
Giving up the fight,
Ending it with one touch. 
Our shields were thrown away,
Your ships were waiting at bay,
As tears fall on your face, 
I stand broken.

This short war, 
Lasted an eternity,
Although no casualties, 
We mourn as if it were millions. 
Love is gone, 
Yet death is missing.
It is over,
Yet we are both hurting. 
Saying we are happy during our breakdowns, 
I try to hide it, 
But I will always love you 

The last farewell this winter brought

And just like that, you're gone,
The memories fade away, you're lost,
No matter the action , the consequences are the same.
The thought of you not being here,
The thought of missing you,
Those are concepts I can't wrap around my head.
With fear I live the upcoming days,
Questioning my own existence,
Questioning my own rebellion, I slowly understand what you meant.
Honestly I miss you,
Nothing I do can bring you back,
But I'm thankful for giving me the chances I once had.

My wish

Made a wish, but it didn't come true,
I wanted to be only with you.
Instead I got the thing I hate the most,
a hand full of people that I don't even know.
I got the life I never wanted
Always ending back where I started.
The path we walk is more than just the present,
we are building our future, together,
and somehow we are always alone.
We are together spending time with the people we can't stand,
spending our days knowing that we all just pretend.
I'm tired of being spineless,
lost and as hopeless as much I am lifeless.
Spending my days the way you want me to,
althought I know I leave it as it is,
and it is all because of your tease.
Can all of this be changed,
can my wish finally be embraced,
I can never love what I got,
as long as it's not what I want.

Haunted by the past

I cannot take this any longer. I am slowly losing my might. I cannot keep up with the present and I cannot see my future. I'm cursed with an eye which is capable of only seeing the past, an eye that sees no light, an eye that is holding me back. Slowly but surely I am losing my mind.
I feel like this life is a movie with the worst plot. A movie about a lonely guy trying to find where he is standing at, goddamn it, he cannot even look at his self, let alone face the world. A movie where the protagonist is a loser who doesn't know when to give up or shut up.
It's sad to say that I am the protagonist of a story with no meaning. The protagonist with eyes that are only seeing the past and present. People say that I'm still young, that there is so much to be explored and experienced, but what do they know? Do they even know what my story is?
They are just a bunch of judgmental pricks, thinking that they know everything... Huh, no wonder why I'm sick of this place. I cannot stand those backstabbing friends.
That is the main reason why I do not share my private life, I do not want to ruin the future I cannot see. Although I'm not sure what good is the life where you cannot leave the past, it's like being with one foot in the grave. A grave filled with unpleasant memories and untold stories.
Yet the other foot brings hope, it is fighting the pain from the events that no longer exist. It gives me a reason to live another day, to wake up and do something. The eye that sees the present sees much clearer, but I'm afraid that it won't be enough in the near future.

Plastic Memories

 After the death of someone close, we are left with only bitter sweet memories, Memories with the power to make a person insane. After all that's what memories are for, reminding us of the dead. That's what I'm so afraid of, I fear the memories that leave us torn between the past and present. They are the destruction of the desire to live, they are the main cause of depression and aggression. They have the power to change a man like no other thing. No matter how many pleasant memories you have with someone, no matter what you have done for them, you'll always feel like you have done nothing in order to repay them, We take everything for granted, not knowing that we can lose everything we own in matter of seconds. What you will be left is nothing more than a broken heart and bitter nights with handful of destructive memories. I do not understand why people want to make memories, why on earth would you want to make something that will end up hurting you... Is really one nice thing worth all the trouble and pain?

Nothing is the same

I guess it's that time of the year again. I guess I will have to put up with you again, huh, good thing you cannot stand me either. I cannot wait for all those boring days where we have to sit next to each other,for the days when we will have to work together.
No wonder why I'm depressed knowing that I have to communicate with douchebags. Ahh, why do I have to coexist with such people...
I remember when I was young the world it was smaller, the cities were vast and the buildings were taller, the people were nicer and my parents seemed stronger. Back when I was just getting warned, huh, yeah they warned me about many things. Back when my generation wasn't fucked up...
I miss those days, days when I still felt alive and when I couldn't wait to get outside. All I do is now is sitting in my room being isolated from the real world, thinking about life itself, studying, while most of my generation is going out to drink until they have a blackout.
Time passed so quickly, years went by without me even noticing it. Guess we all grow old faster than we think. We change our interests as we grow, we even lose the trust of some people just by letting time pass by... Such a strange world we grew up in.

Life then and now

Being alive yet having no life left, that is what you will feel if you walk a mile in my sneakers. I meet people that are too perfect, or so I think. Little do I know I'm befriending fools, deceivers, liars, renegades. Everything I try to do ends up being pointless. Never understood what's so great about life when you cannot share it with someone. It feels like no one wants to listen to what you have to say, no matter how important it is.
Hah, here I am laughing at myself because I do not want to admit it that I'm too depressed. I remember when I was just a child, I remember the days when I still felt alive, when I couldn't wait to go outside, the world was so wide back than and now here I am I cannot wait till I get home just to pass the time in my room all alone. I was so naive back then, such an innocent child, I thought that this world was a beautiful place.
I hate how little changed in this world, but I've completely changed. Now I see this world with disgust, nothing more than a place filled with beautiful things that are waiting to be ruined by mankind. I just want to go outside and scream and swear. I hate it how everyone tells me that time will make everything better, hell, I hate it when I tell myself that time will make everything better. The only thing that can make this world a better place is a loved one.
Yeah, I know it's cheesy but I think it's true. In a time when everyone backstabs each other, I think that finding a bastard you love with all your heart will make everything more easier. Too bad I cannot experience that. All I've been doing is falling in love with the wrong people, with people who seemed so sweet at the start, but the start was all wrong. People who said that they speak from their hearts, altough their hearts' all gone. Yet out of all people you make my time stand still, you are live vilence to me, you kill me, yet you have me forever and after. I feel like a hostage with a stockholm syndrome when I'm around you. You want it to be your way, no matter what, even if it means putting my life in danger just for your own benefit and within the same moment I immediately do what you say. She is unstoppable, unpredictable, I'm so jaded,calculated and WRONG. Please take me home, it's too late now, I'm gone.
I'm lost in this world, confused, tired, destroyed. I'm a real case of walking dead. I'm lifeless even though I'm alive.

Let me be me

Everything seemed so close but yet so distant as I tried to bring you back from the dead. I tried to rebuild our long lost relation, the only thing I did is isolate myself. Your mind is a cold grave, to be honest your eyes are a smoking gun. You laugh as you twist a knife in my arm and take everything until it's all gone. Take all you can, I do not care as long as we still talk. Yes I am led so easily, led by your cold heart that once made me feel loved, led to oblivion and I cannot do a single thing about it.
I'm dying, I'm trying to leave as I found my worst regret. Please let me slip away, I'm barely holding on, let me fade away as the memories once did. Let me be me, I hate the person you molded me into. I beg you to let me drift away from all of this, whatever it is! Allow me to forget you, it will be the best for everyone.

Past,Future but not the Present

   If you'd be able to pick only one moment that passed just to relive it again,which one would it be? Would you choose to be with somebody you adore, a milestone you achieved or a last farewell with a special someone?
 You know how as time passes people go and change well, feelings do the same too, but the moments spent with the one you love will remain in the loop, and just to be loved and adored is all that I want to feel, I want to be appreciated and accepted for who I am. Is it wrong if I'm wanting to feel the love that wasn't supposed to be?