This month brings old pain

I need something to keep me warm through this winter,
your words froze making me feel like a goner.
This weather is the enemy,
slow and deadly in my fantasy,
your movement on the ice that cracks,
makes me wonder, about the chaos, that follows.
All these days do not pass,
my heart turned black, twas killed by your hand.
I need someone, someone that's not you.
I want to be loved again,
just not in the way you did,
not the love that you gave.
That was a curse and a mistake.
Your smile once had warmth,
now it's the reason for the darkness in this cold December.
Your laugh used to be your charm,
now its a source of harm.
Your beauty was a blessing,
now it's a woken nightmare.
You are the reason why this long cold winter hurts.

Feelings shouldn't always stay hidden

She is alive
Or so I believe
She dived in
And got kicked down
Never got up
She got caught
In a battle she shouldn't have known about
She fought my battle
And now I cannot do anything to ease her pain
Everything she did was in vain
I am the one to blame
I should be ashamed
Somehow I'm not
A monster is what I've become
Damage is all I've done
But not to me
Thats the problem
Everyone around me is getting hurt
People I care about are now in the dirt
Never knew what power could bring
It corrupts the good and destroys evil
It hurts me to see her suffer
I remember sleeping on and on on the stairwell
I remember when we fell apart on the weekends
I liked the little rush she got
When she was standing close to death
Like when she was driving me crazy
You know I never told her that she meant something to me
It's all my fault

Changes ruin people

Simplicity is the answer to an utterly beautiful life, but that is not in our nature. We are the perfect living beings yet we are the most disgusting, most brutal, vile among others. Doing everything that is in your power just to make someone happy, when suddenly someone walks in with what they wish for, with what you were trying to achieve just for them, huh, such a strange world. You won't even receive a thank you, but instead of staying quite you choose to speak with the thought that your words will matter. Haven't you learned anything? If you actions won't matter to them why on earth do you think that your words will make a difference? You will be empty like the day after Christmas, everyone will talk about you, little will like you.
What will happen to you, only time will tell, paranoia will never leave you. Your last hope will burn down, your emotions will be blown out by the tides, you will become what you hate the most.
But that will only happen once the person who screw you over will be asking for your help. Yes, only then you will know what a sadist feels. You will be the one in control, you will be the one hurting people. That is the only feeling worth living for once you are hurt, betrayed, destroyed. That is the only time when your dreams will come real. Only then will your insomnia end, only then you will feel happiness again. None will be able to save them. No one.

Let me be me

Everything seemed so close but yet so distant as I tried to bring you back from the dead. I tried to rebuild our long lost relation, the only thing I did is isolate myself. Your mind is a cold grave, to be honest your eyes are a smoking gun. You laugh as you twist a knife in my arm and take everything until it's all gone. Take all you can, I do not care as long as we still talk. Yes I am led so easily, led by your cold heart that once made me feel loved, led to oblivion and I cannot do a single thing about it.
I'm dying, I'm trying to leave as I found my worst regret. Please let me slip away, I'm barely holding on, let me fade away as the memories once did. Let me be me, I hate the person you molded me into. I beg you to let me drift away from all of this, whatever it is! Allow me to forget you, it will be the best for everyone.