The last farewell this winter brought

And just like that, you're gone,
The memories fade away, you're lost,
No matter the action , the consequences are the same.
The thought of you not being here,
The thought of missing you,
Those are concepts I can't wrap around my head.
With fear I live the upcoming days,
Questioning my own existence,
Questioning my own rebellion, I slowly understand what you meant.
Honestly I miss you,
Nothing I do can bring you back,
But I'm thankful for giving me the chances I once had.

Letter 4: Badb M.

The last person I trust, somehow I knew tat disaster would struck. You gained my respect now you are slowly killing me.
Badb, I was always there for you, yet you never bothered to ask me if I needed help. You used me just like those that were here before you. I thought I was strong but my heart cannot take this any longer.
But whatever, it's my fault. I don't blame you. I allowed this to happen.
I guess I never learn, but that is something I love about myself!
I don't care anymore, cause when I did it only pulled me down! And enough is enough. I was the one saying that we are responsible for the course our lives take, I said that nothing is predetermined yet I gave up.
I failed more than I succeeded so I gave up. And then what did I do? Nothing! I sat down in a dark room blaming you because you never wondered how I was doing. I blamed you for not being me.
Now I figured that  I was the one who allowed you to do so. I shouldn't be angry at you and I'm not! I'm angry at myself for being a weak and scared bastard, a bastard who was too afraid to take control and hurt your feelings from time to time.
If there is someone who fucked everything up, it's me so I don't know why I was expecting someone to listen to my problems. Why did I thought that you of all people would help me... What was I thinking.... Was it because you told me that you'd always be by my side?
Why did I believe the words of a liar? I remember when you talked crap about people that you disliked back then, should I say that they are your new found friends? You were calling them fat,stupid and ugly, but unlike me you didn't believe that or so it seemed. You were either lying back then because the friends you had were still around or you really meant those things but you befriended them because you lost your old friends.
You disgust me now. I cannot stand you but for whatever reason I cannot ditch you. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I just can't do what you do. I don't want to do what you do. I don't want to become you!

Letter 2: Aibh

We've known each other for a long time, we had our rivalry but became friends after a while. We spent so many nights talking, debating, laughing. I soon developed a crush which you noticed but you acted like you didn't know just because you liked the attention I was giving you.
I have to say, we both changed a lot since our first conversation. For the better or worse, I do not know but what I know is that we aren't those same brats talking about stupid topics. I looked up our chat history a while ago, it was an eye opening experience for me. I saw how you used me, but it helped me recognize the lies told by others.
Sometimes I wish that I've never met you, however for what it was worth it was worth all the while.
It's a good thing that not everything goes as planned. Imagine what a boring place it would be then, nothing to take you by surprise, nothing to keep your adrenaline rushing. I cannot imagine my self living in such world, but I know you'd love to because you always hated changes of a plan.
I hate how I had to tell thousands of lies just to make sure you are happy. Trust me that will never happen again, I will never again tell a lie just so you can feel better!

Feelings shouldn't always stay hidden

She is alive
Or so I believe
She dived in
And got kicked down
Never got up
She got caught
In a battle she shouldn't have known about
She fought my battle
And now I cannot do anything to ease her pain
Everything she did was in vain
I am the one to blame
I should be ashamed
Somehow I'm not
A monster is what I've become
Damage is all I've done
But not to me
Thats the problem
Everyone around me is getting hurt
People I care about are now in the dirt
Never knew what power could bring
It corrupts the good and destroys evil
It hurts me to see her suffer
I remember sleeping on and on on the stairwell
I remember when we fell apart on the weekends
I liked the little rush she got
When she was standing close to death
Like when she was driving me crazy
You know I never told her that she meant something to me
It's all my fault

Thank you for your time

Most of the time, I do not think of you, but when I do I ask myself why do I bother to stay while you are running away. Are you feeling severing? Or is it just your need to toy with people around you? I thought that we drew closer than ever, I knew that the feeling I get when you were around wasn't just my imagination. I guess I really was a ghost hiding in your shadow.
Please I beg you to stop staring at me, do not touch me. Why won't you leave me alone? Why do you need to put me through all of this?
You are sick, yet I understand you. You were like a sister, or so you pretended to be. You acted like you were here for me, but when you had the first chance to run away without a secound thought you did it. You backstabbed me, huh, guess I kind of deserved it.
Although you caused a lot of pain, I have to thank you. You did an awesome job of showing me the right way. Guess I'm just mad at my self for letting you leave, I'm sorry for not being a good friend. I really am sorry for not helping you, I just got carried away when you said that you just need me to be me. Now I know that it was a lie. I'm younger yet I was the adult in our conversations, but the whole "be you" conversation turned me in the childish idiot I was.  I'm not blaming you, I just miss you... A lot. You were the onlyone who tried to understand me, the onlything left now is to thank you for your time. I'm greatful for your presence, I wish nothing but the best for you! Hope you are happy, wherever you are.