Letter to a friend

To the friend who was there from the start,
you will forever be in my heart.
To the friend that made the pain stop,
I thank you.

For every word you said, a smile followed. Honestly I can't remember a time where you turned your back on me.
You are something else, you are my definition of a perfect human being, and although there were times when we didn't get along you still managed to put up with me.
As I grow older I realize what you mean to me, I may sound cliche and clingy but I love you.
I know that friends don't last forever but I hope that you are an exception!

Becoming a ghost

There's this song I always come back to,
It reminds me of the day I first met you.
No other words mean as much to me as the lyrics that were sang in the song,
it's a constant reminder of how we held on for so long.
You might've been just a ghost but you knew what flesh felt like,
you knew what a hug meant and how to treat someone in the cold night.
You were no stranger to love and comfort,
you were the definition of kindness,
you managed to treat me from my social blindness.
You allowed me to open up to you,
share my story and my pain.
From that point on I knew what you meant,
I knew what you wanted,
but I never provided.
Now I'm the ghost you once spoke of,
hiding behind the comfort of my keyboard,
playing the role of a person you once knew.

The sadness behind the sweet melody

The way you express yourself,
through suicidal songs,
brings a tear to my eye,
and tores out my heart.
You speak as you are ready to go,
wanting to leave us behind,
with our memories of your sadness and fake smiles.
The pain you've experienced,
it is like no other,
and you should know that you'll never be a bother.
Every time I try to help,
every time I try to be there,
I end up hurting you.
Can't even take your mind off of your troubles,
somehow I always manage to pop your safe bubble.
Instead of helping I ask you questions,
making you think of life and it's darkness,
I ask questions I should have never mentioned.
No help ever came from me,
slowly I caused more pain and harm than I ever prevented.

  Unaware I push you to your limits, not knowing that you are near the end. As I continue doing so you pretend as if everything is fine, trying to prove me wrong hoping I won't see through your white lies, but I suffer as much as you do therefore I know what you are going through, or at least I think I do. My selfishness doesn't let me help you, nor will I ever be able to. I always apologize but then I go back doing what I already did, harming you over and over.

Time after time your songs send a chill down my bones,
once again you're hurt,
once more I caused it.
The suicidal thoughts never leave your head,
leaving you wondering about your deathbed,
wanting all of this to end.
You've never killed anyone, that's what you said,
but you are slowly taking your life away,
turning yourself into clay,
slowly breaking.
What beauty, you are breathtaking.

Letter 4: Badb M.

The last person I trust, somehow I knew tat disaster would struck. You gained my respect now you are slowly killing me.
Badb, I was always there for you, yet you never bothered to ask me if I needed help. You used me just like those that were here before you. I thought I was strong but my heart cannot take this any longer.
But whatever, it's my fault. I don't blame you. I allowed this to happen.
I guess I never learn, but that is something I love about myself!
I don't care anymore, cause when I did it only pulled me down! And enough is enough. I was the one saying that we are responsible for the course our lives take, I said that nothing is predetermined yet I gave up.
I failed more than I succeeded so I gave up. And then what did I do? Nothing! I sat down in a dark room blaming you because you never wondered how I was doing. I blamed you for not being me.
Now I figured that  I was the one who allowed you to do so. I shouldn't be angry at you and I'm not! I'm angry at myself for being a weak and scared bastard, a bastard who was too afraid to take control and hurt your feelings from time to time.
If there is someone who fucked everything up, it's me so I don't know why I was expecting someone to listen to my problems. Why did I thought that you of all people would help me... What was I thinking.... Was it because you told me that you'd always be by my side?
Why did I believe the words of a liar? I remember when you talked crap about people that you disliked back then, should I say that they are your new found friends? You were calling them fat,stupid and ugly, but unlike me you didn't believe that or so it seemed. You were either lying back then because the friends you had were still around or you really meant those things but you befriended them because you lost your old friends.
You disgust me now. I cannot stand you but for whatever reason I cannot ditch you. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I just can't do what you do. I don't want to do what you do. I don't want to become you!

Can't stop thinking about you

A year has gone by,
yet I still try,
I try to reach you,
I try to touch you,
still every attempt is a fail.

Your eyes used to be the light,
your smile used to be the way
your laughter used to be inspiring.
Now your absence is my suffering.

I endure only pain,
happiness I no longer gain,
beauty I no longer see,
I'm drowning in misery.

As days go by,
we grow apart more and more,
all I'm left with-a heart that feels sore.
What hurts more is that you've written my lore!
   
You've foreseen my future,
and you knew about my past.
I guess you didn't want it to last!

Letter 1: Ar

I never thought that it will come to this, me writing a letter just to express how I'm feeling. I'm just wondering what went wrong since you aren't saying a word. It's been a year since we met, sicne we chose OUR favorite song, OUR favorite movie. I guess this world is cursed and plagued without a possible escape route. I'm just wondering what I did to piss you off...
Now I am so sick of those crappy love songs on the radio. I'm sick of them because we used to listen to them together, we used to sing along, we used to have fun. What did become of our friendship? We became strangers in a matter of seconds. You were not the first person to go, but you hurt the most...
I remember our long conversations, I even remember the silence and how it was broken with your cute laughter. You were everything I wished for, a friend that knows how I feel without having to explain anything, but suddenly you turned into a landslide while I was resembling the city beneath you.
Huh, all those conversations about being here for each other... Guess I should've never believed words, I should've known that talk is cheap.
Well I do not know about you but I am afraid of being alone, I'm afraid of leaving tonight. I think I'm lost without you. I know that this is useless because I am young and stupid, remaining wide and open while my heart is wasted. I know this because every time I try to look for you the sun goes down, leaving a void in my day. Void filled with darkness, aggression and depression.
Hell, I even miss you like the summer.

Thank you for your time

Most of the time, I do not think of you, but when I do I ask myself why do I bother to stay while you are running away. Are you feeling severing? Or is it just your need to toy with people around you? I thought that we drew closer than ever, I knew that the feeling I get when you were around wasn't just my imagination. I guess I really was a ghost hiding in your shadow.
Please I beg you to stop staring at me, do not touch me. Why won't you leave me alone? Why do you need to put me through all of this?
You are sick, yet I understand you. You were like a sister, or so you pretended to be. You acted like you were here for me, but when you had the first chance to run away without a secound thought you did it. You backstabbed me, huh, guess I kind of deserved it.
Although you caused a lot of pain, I have to thank you. You did an awesome job of showing me the right way. Guess I'm just mad at my self for letting you leave, I'm sorry for not being a good friend. I really am sorry for not helping you, I just got carried away when you said that you just need me to be me. Now I know that it was a lie. I'm younger yet I was the adult in our conversations, but the whole "be you" conversation turned me in the childish idiot I was.  I'm not blaming you, I just miss you... A lot. You were the onlyone who tried to understand me, the onlything left now is to thank you for your time. I'm greatful for your presence, I wish nothing but the best for you! Hope you are happy, wherever you are.