Absence

Torn pages,
words unspoken.
Thoughts undeveloped,
feelings being neglected.
I've turned into a creature I can't understand.
I've turned into something I cannot stand.

My wish

Made a wish, but it didn't come true,
I wanted to be only with you.
Instead I got the thing I hate the most,
a hand full of people that I don't even know.
I got the life I never wanted
Always ending back where I started.
The path we walk is more than just the present,
we are building our future, together,
and somehow we are always alone.
We are together spending time with the people we can't stand,
spending our days knowing that we all just pretend.
I'm tired of being spineless,
lost and as hopeless as much I am lifeless.
Spending my days the way you want me to,
althought I know I leave it as it is,
and it is all because of your tease.
Can all of this be changed,
can my wish finally be embraced,
I can never love what I got,
as long as it's not what I want.

Lost between doors

Forward you go, although your life stands still. Left, you look, trying to catch a glimpse of the things you don't know. Right, you think, you think as this is your creation. Backwards, you speak, making no sense as you freely roam the hall, the hall of life, opening doors that should forever remain shut, causing pain and distress, causing meltdowns. As you open one door you close another, leaving me behind in a room with light slowly fading. As darkness surrounds me, you lock the door, never looking back, forward you go!

Haunted by the past

I cannot take this any longer. I am slowly losing my might. I cannot keep up with the present and I cannot see my future. I'm cursed with an eye which is capable of only seeing the past, an eye that sees no light, an eye that is holding me back. Slowly but surely I am losing my mind.
I feel like this life is a movie with the worst plot. A movie about a lonely guy trying to find where he is standing at, goddamn it, he cannot even look at his self, let alone face the world. A movie where the protagonist is a loser who doesn't know when to give up or shut up.
It's sad to say that I am the protagonist of a story with no meaning. The protagonist with eyes that are only seeing the past and present. People say that I'm still young, that there is so much to be explored and experienced, but what do they know? Do they even know what my story is?
They are just a bunch of judgmental pricks, thinking that they know everything... Huh, no wonder why I'm sick of this place. I cannot stand those backstabbing friends.
That is the main reason why I do not share my private life, I do not want to ruin the future I cannot see. Although I'm not sure what good is the life where you cannot leave the past, it's like being with one foot in the grave. A grave filled with unpleasant memories and untold stories.
Yet the other foot brings hope, it is fighting the pain from the events that no longer exist. It gives me a reason to live another day, to wake up and do something. The eye that sees the present sees much clearer, but I'm afraid that it won't be enough in the near future.