Beer

Every time I look in the mirror I notice everything's clearer Joy replaces fear After a pint of beer Fights break out from our hearts But after a while every motion stops Maybe everything isn't so clear after all that beer You really are dear Although you make me feel like a queer Yea beer you are the love of my life Thats why I don't need a wife I don't need a bed nor do I need sheets Cause when I'm with you I don't even sleep For you my love runs deep Even though you make me feel like a sheep You make me say things I don't mean And i do things I don't want Just know you're way better than a blunt.

My biggest fear

Living a life free of fear is quite boring. Nothing will be holding you back, nothing will make you understand that we are not limitless. What good is it if you cannot experience fear, after all it keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. Fear always opens our eyes. It helps us be more careful with our actions.
You've asked me many times what I fear the most, well here is my answer... I am afraid of monsters and ghosts. No, not those paranormal ghosts and scary monsters that feast on our nightmares. I am afraid of ghosts from the past, people I knew back then or at least I thought I knew.
There are many types of monsters in this world for example those that cause troubles, monsters who feast on our dreams, monsters which suck blood, and, monsters who tell lies. Those lying monsters are the scariest because they pose as humans although their hearts are long gone. They continue eating even though they are full, they make friends when they do not know how to love, in simple words they are just using everyone around them. I am afraid of them because I myself am a lying monster. I've always tried hiding the truth about me, I feel vulnerable when someone knows what's happening in my life that's why I am hiding as much as possible. Only few know what I really am thinking, what I'm living through.
It's those monsters that keep me up at night, making me plan my future, making me dislike the people around me.
I fear them the most not because of what they are able to do but because I do not want anyone to stand close to me. There are days when I cannot even trust myself so how on earth will I be able to trust someone else? There are always thoughts of betrayal in my mind. I always think that someone will backstab me that's why I am unable to communicate with people. That's why I chose to be a monster!

I thought about you

    It's been a while since the last time you ran through my mind and I have to say nothing is the same, your presence changed everything, it kept me sane. It's impossible to forget you no matter how hard I try. 
      When I think of you I have this picture of a blade of ice, lonely road, clear day, always sharp and cold, always beautiful. I am such a fool, why can't I simply give up? I know that we will never talk again but I cannot stop thinking about you. I hate you for saying that you'd always be by my side! I hate you for the kind acts you did. I hate you for helping me, for picking me up when I needed someone the most! I hate you because you cared about me... Why were you so nice? Why did you show me how it felt to be loved? You changed me completely! I hate the fact that I cannot hate you.
     No matter what you do just know that you will always have a place in my heart although I know that you wouldn't care and I do not blame you. I'm not worth of your time, and I know that we weren't so similar to begin with but I cannot stop feeling like the universe has left me without a place to go, leaving me somewhere between light and darkness, making me a spectator of your movement. I once had the power to guide you just as you guided my path, now I'm nothing more than a grain of sand. I am scared of the dark, yet I cannot step into the light because of you.
Society says that boys don't cry but I cannot prevent myself from doing so when I'm thinking about you.
 Until we meet again, slan...

Haunted by the past

I cannot take this any longer. I am slowly losing my might. I cannot keep up with the present and I cannot see my future. I'm cursed with an eye which is capable of only seeing the past, an eye that sees no light, an eye that is holding me back. Slowly but surely I am losing my mind.
I feel like this life is a movie with the worst plot. A movie about a lonely guy trying to find where he is standing at, goddamn it, he cannot even look at his self, let alone face the world. A movie where the protagonist is a loser who doesn't know when to give up or shut up.
It's sad to say that I am the protagonist of a story with no meaning. The protagonist with eyes that are only seeing the past and present. People say that I'm still young, that there is so much to be explored and experienced, but what do they know? Do they even know what my story is?
They are just a bunch of judgmental pricks, thinking that they know everything... Huh, no wonder why I'm sick of this place. I cannot stand those backstabbing friends.
That is the main reason why I do not share my private life, I do not want to ruin the future I cannot see. Although I'm not sure what good is the life where you cannot leave the past, it's like being with one foot in the grave. A grave filled with unpleasant memories and untold stories.
Yet the other foot brings hope, it is fighting the pain from the events that no longer exist. It gives me a reason to live another day, to wake up and do something. The eye that sees the present sees much clearer, but I'm afraid that it won't be enough in the near future.

Letter 3: Badb A.

    Another day has ended and I'm still lost. It's been a while since my last letter, I was too broken to function properly, too tired from the world and disappointed from those around me. To be honest I still am. I still cannot think properly but I'm trying to write this letter to you. I'm not doing this because I have to,no, I'm writing it just because I want to thank you. You've been around for a while and no matter what you were always there for me. I'm sure that if I tell you what's on my mind right now, you'd try to help me no matter what. I have no idea how to repay you because you've done so much for me. You really are the best friend I've ever had. I should quit my stalling, I want to ask you a pathetic question but I need answers... Was I ever helpful? Or was I just dead weight ? I'm afraid of the answer yet the thought of not knowing is killing me. That was the first thing I remembered and now it's the last thing left on my mind. I want to know so many things, but for now this is enough . I just want to know if I'm useless or not! Whatever your answer is just know that you will always have a place in my heart and mind!

Plastic Memories

 After the death of someone close, we are left with only bitter sweet memories, Memories with the power to make a person insane. After all that's what memories are for, reminding us of the dead. That's what I'm so afraid of, I fear the memories that leave us torn between the past and present. They are the destruction of the desire to live, they are the main cause of depression and aggression. They have the power to change a man like no other thing. No matter how many pleasant memories you have with someone, no matter what you have done for them, you'll always feel like you have done nothing in order to repay them, We take everything for granted, not knowing that we can lose everything we own in matter of seconds. What you will be left is nothing more than a broken heart and bitter nights with handful of destructive memories. I do not understand why people want to make memories, why on earth would you want to make something that will end up hurting you... Is really one nice thing worth all the trouble and pain?

What's up with you

We all have that one psycho in our life, too bad I was in love with that person for a really long time. At first you seemed normal, hell, I even thought that you are the greatest person I've ever met. It took me a while to figure you out, when I did I was surprised but that didn't prevent me from loving you. No, what killed my love were the stories you told. You became depressed so I thought that it was a good time to tell you how I feel, you took it for granted and thought that I didn't have other friends, you thought that I was you. You tried to use me, but failed miserably so you told me that I was full of myself. Soon after you met new people, you made friends, but you didn't know that they were our mutual friends so you started talking shit behind my back thinking that I will never find out.
I thought that it was time to give you a little update about my feelings towards you, and to be honest I wasn't worried about your reaction because I was fed up. I remember that you didn't like what I said because I told you that you've either changed or that I finally found out what kind of a person you are. To be honest I'm glad that we stopped talking, because you showed your true colours, you salute everyone I'm talking to and start conversations with them just to see my reactions, too bad you are only making me laugh.
Yesterday, you acknowledged my presence, you even greeted me and when I asked you if we were still talking you told me that we needed to sort things out, so today I texted you asking if there was really anything to talk about you gave me a negative answer. Such a pitty I was in the mood of telling you how much bullshit you are. Although I really shouldn't get too full of myself, because if it weren't for a friend of mine I'd never be able to realise how spineless I was. Yeah it's weird how her two-sentence statement did a lot more than you ever did.