Light that brings me home

With a warmth inside I'm heading home.
Shadows fall as I walk into the dark,
slowly losing the sight of my goals.
Alone, I have killed the sun,
now even the moon fears me.
No one by my side,
getting ready to give up,
I stopped,
opened my eyes,
I saw a light that was running towards me.
Soon a relaxing laugh followed,
in my mind it was hallowed.
The light shone brighter and brighter,
leading me to my personal heaven.
I couldn't believe my eyes,
who on earth would be so twisted,
who'd play such a cruel joke.
I rub my eyes in disbelief,
it was no joke,
the light was real.
With the first touch I realized,
you were the spark,
you were the light.

This month brings old pain

I need something to keep me warm through this winter,
your words froze making me feel like a goner.
This weather is the enemy,
slow and deadly in my fantasy,
your movement on the ice that cracks,
makes me wonder, about the chaos, that follows.
All these days do not pass,
my heart turned black, twas killed by your hand.
I need someone, someone that's not you.
I want to be loved again,
just not in the way you did,
not the love that you gave.
That was a curse and a mistake.
Your smile once had warmth,
now it's the reason for the darkness in this cold December.
Your laugh used to be your charm,
now its a source of harm.
Your beauty was a blessing,
now it's a woken nightmare.
You are the reason why this long cold winter hurts.

Your mistakes are my burden

  Caught myself thinking of the past, everything that I hoped to last. Everything I do is somehow connected with all of the things I've done for you. I gave up my free time just so  you can have what you wanted, just so you can have the attention you asked for.
  We slowly came closer, as time went by I missed you when you were away. You told me lies that I believed. Once again you managed to deceive.
I tried to leave you but I never could, I came back to you like I always do. I came back wanting you to for give me for the mistakes that you've done, I wanted forgiveness for something I didn't do.
And after all of our troubles, you decided to leave without saying a word. You left after you told me the truth. The truth about your feelings, deeds and plans. Was that the truth you wanted me to believe or was it the truth you believed in... I guess I will never know.
All that is left now are the three words I constantly repeat, all is left is to let you know that somehow, for whatever reason I miss you.

Comfort

I had no interest in change,
found my comfort zone,
I wanted to stay there.
I had no interest in change,
none what so ever,
zero,
But then I met you,
I saw your innocent smile,
felt the warmness of your hugs,
the smell of your hair,
and bliss from your eyes.
I turned a new page,
in a new untouched book,
a book pure of emotions.

Light awakens feelings

The morning light pierced through my window,
waking me up from my dream,
in which I was holding your hand.
I never had the intention to get up,
but my phone delivered your messages.
It gave me a reason to open my eyes,
you gave me a reason to wash my face,
you showed me the beauty of the morning light.
Now I spend the nights,
waiting for the light to bring you closer,
not knowing that you'll always be as far as possible.
Emotionally we will never be close,
I love you as much as you hate my company.
You don't want to say it, but it's true,
you can't stand me at all!

Staying warm during the cold season

  The fall is slowly coming to an end, although these feelings did not fade. Every year is like the one before, I jealously observe the actions of those that are around you. The weather makes me feel unpleasant, the smell of winter makes me worried, making me fear the season I love the most.
  As snow falls the feelings start to burn, keeping me warm and safe, making me push away the things I love. Pushing you away..
  How can one guy stop this fading, is it not possible to find the cure for all of this...
I'm tired of the same story every year, the same problems that I can't overcome. For once I want to feel something new, I want to see something that has not been seen, I want to be something I'm not.
  I want to be with you!

The sadness behind the sweet melody

The way you express yourself,
through suicidal songs,
brings a tear to my eye,
and tores out my heart.
You speak as you are ready to go,
wanting to leave us behind,
with our memories of your sadness and fake smiles.
The pain you've experienced,
it is like no other,
and you should know that you'll never be a bother.
Every time I try to help,
every time I try to be there,
I end up hurting you.
Can't even take your mind off of your troubles,
somehow I always manage to pop your safe bubble.
Instead of helping I ask you questions,
making you think of life and it's darkness,
I ask questions I should have never mentioned.
No help ever came from me,
slowly I caused more pain and harm than I ever prevented.

  Unaware I push you to your limits, not knowing that you are near the end. As I continue doing so you pretend as if everything is fine, trying to prove me wrong hoping I won't see through your white lies, but I suffer as much as you do therefore I know what you are going through, or at least I think I do. My selfishness doesn't let me help you, nor will I ever be able to. I always apologize but then I go back doing what I already did, harming you over and over.

Time after time your songs send a chill down my bones,
once again you're hurt,
once more I caused it.
The suicidal thoughts never leave your head,
leaving you wondering about your deathbed,
wanting all of this to end.
You've never killed anyone, that's what you said,
but you are slowly taking your life away,
turning yourself into clay,
slowly breaking.
What beauty, you are breathtaking.