Can't stop thinking about you

A year has gone by,
yet I still try,
I try to reach you,
I try to touch you,
still every attempt is a fail.

Your eyes used to be the light,
your smile used to be the way
your laughter used to be inspiring.
Now your absence is my suffering.

I endure only pain,
happiness I no longer gain,
beauty I no longer see,
I'm drowning in misery.

As days go by,
we grow apart more and more,
all I'm left with-a heart that feels sore.
What hurts more is that you've written my lore!
   
You've foreseen my future,
and you knew about my past.
I guess you didn't want it to last!

You can't be more wrong

You think I'm doing fine,
But darling you've got no idea what's on my mind.
Every night I fight my fears,
I fight the fear of dying alone,
I fight the fear of losing you, again,
For once I want to be able to hold you,
But you are nowhere to be found,
And when I hold you, I can't feel you,
When I feel you, I can't see you,
When I see you, I don't know you,
Because you're nothing like the girl I once loved.

And now when I can feel you, hold you and see you,
I can't stop reminding myself of how you screwed me over.
You took everything from me,
The only thing left is my sanity,
And even that is questionable.
Nothing is the same since you left me.
Nothing will ever be the same.

What he was and what I am

   So you think you've been through it all, but did you ever care to wonder why? You think you're the centre of attention and you think you are a special star.
The truth is you're nothing more than a bloody whore, a bloody whore that he used to adore!
He used to love you but you left scars on his torso and face, yet he still loved you cause he thought you couldn't be replaced.
   Loneliness you used to be his everything, now you're nowhere to be found. Your absence changed him, even though you told him you'll be forever by his side.
  He trusted you so he became a reject. And although he had a home you made him feel homeless and u unwanted.
You told him that he was worthless and that everyone hated him.
   But now he has become I, I, a guy who just doesn't care, I, a guy who does not love nor a guy who hates. He has become I, a guy who fights for the sake of becoming someone, I, a guy who wants to be remembered!

Beer

Every time I look in the mirror I notice everything's clearer Joy replaces fear After a pint of beer Fights break out from our hearts But after a while every motion stops Maybe everything isn't so clear after all that beer You really are dear Although you make me feel like a queer Yea beer you are the love of my life Thats why I don't need a wife I don't need a bed nor do I need sheets Cause when I'm with you I don't even sleep For you my love runs deep Even though you make me feel like a sheep You make me say things I don't mean And i do things I don't want Just know you're way better than a blunt.

My biggest fear

Living a life free of fear is quite boring. Nothing will be holding you back, nothing will make you understand that we are not limitless. What good is it if you cannot experience fear, after all it keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. Fear always opens our eyes. It helps us be more careful with our actions.
You've asked me many times what I fear the most, well here is my answer... I am afraid of monsters and ghosts. No, not those paranormal ghosts and scary monsters that feast on our nightmares. I am afraid of ghosts from the past, people I knew back then or at least I thought I knew.
There are many types of monsters in this world for example those that cause troubles, monsters who feast on our dreams, monsters which suck blood, and, monsters who tell lies. Those lying monsters are the scariest because they pose as humans although their hearts are long gone. They continue eating even though they are full, they make friends when they do not know how to love, in simple words they are just using everyone around them. I am afraid of them because I myself am a lying monster. I've always tried hiding the truth about me, I feel vulnerable when someone knows what's happening in my life that's why I am hiding as much as possible. Only few know what I really am thinking, what I'm living through.
It's those monsters that keep me up at night, making me plan my future, making me dislike the people around me.
I fear them the most not because of what they are able to do but because I do not want anyone to stand close to me. There are days when I cannot even trust myself so how on earth will I be able to trust someone else? There are always thoughts of betrayal in my mind. I always think that someone will backstab me that's why I am unable to communicate with people. That's why I chose to be a monster!

I thought about you

    It's been a while since the last time you ran through my mind and I have to say nothing is the same, your presence changed everything, it kept me sane. It's impossible to forget you no matter how hard I try. 
      When I think of you I have this picture of a blade of ice, lonely road, clear day, always sharp and cold, always beautiful. I am such a fool, why can't I simply give up? I know that we will never talk again but I cannot stop thinking about you. I hate you for saying that you'd always be by my side! I hate you for the kind acts you did. I hate you for helping me, for picking me up when I needed someone the most! I hate you because you cared about me... Why were you so nice? Why did you show me how it felt to be loved? You changed me completely! I hate the fact that I cannot hate you.
     No matter what you do just know that you will always have a place in my heart although I know that you wouldn't care and I do not blame you. I'm not worth of your time, and I know that we weren't so similar to begin with but I cannot stop feeling like the universe has left me without a place to go, leaving me somewhere between light and darkness, making me a spectator of your movement. I once had the power to guide you just as you guided my path, now I'm nothing more than a grain of sand. I am scared of the dark, yet I cannot step into the light because of you.
Society says that boys don't cry but I cannot prevent myself from doing so when I'm thinking about you.
 Until we meet again, slan...

Haunted by the past

I cannot take this any longer. I am slowly losing my might. I cannot keep up with the present and I cannot see my future. I'm cursed with an eye which is capable of only seeing the past, an eye that sees no light, an eye that is holding me back. Slowly but surely I am losing my mind.
I feel like this life is a movie with the worst plot. A movie about a lonely guy trying to find where he is standing at, goddamn it, he cannot even look at his self, let alone face the world. A movie where the protagonist is a loser who doesn't know when to give up or shut up.
It's sad to say that I am the protagonist of a story with no meaning. The protagonist with eyes that are only seeing the past and present. People say that I'm still young, that there is so much to be explored and experienced, but what do they know? Do they even know what my story is?
They are just a bunch of judgmental pricks, thinking that they know everything... Huh, no wonder why I'm sick of this place. I cannot stand those backstabbing friends.
That is the main reason why I do not share my private life, I do not want to ruin the future I cannot see. Although I'm not sure what good is the life where you cannot leave the past, it's like being with one foot in the grave. A grave filled with unpleasant memories and untold stories.
Yet the other foot brings hope, it is fighting the pain from the events that no longer exist. It gives me a reason to live another day, to wake up and do something. The eye that sees the present sees much clearer, but I'm afraid that it won't be enough in the near future.