Another rant

The meaning of life is uncertain,
but mine I do know,
it is to be with you.
The days when you're gone are the hardest,
the nights when I'm alone are the darkest,
the bands that you showed me are the loudest,
but most importantly your actions are the meanest.
I try so hard to get you off of my mind,
but every method is unsuccessful.
You still haunt me,
you're a nightmare I don't want to end.
So this is what life without loves looks like,
nineteen years of being unwanted,
having but a few friends that still care,
one of which I thought you were.
I fell right into your trap,
I give up,
I can't go on,
I want this to end.
As I'm writing this I realise,
I'm saying the words you told me when we first met,
I'm saying the words you wanted to hear from someone else.

Characters slowly change

Hooked, I think is the word,
addicted, is what I am.
Your absence is slowly killing me,
I can't take it, not used to it,
never will be.
Your perfume, your smile, your kindness,
somethings never stay the same.
How I hoped,
and for the first time I even prayed.
You never came back.

I am sad

Intimidated,
anxious,
miserable.
Scared
and
dying.
Inferior,
depressed.
Rejected,
afraid,
terrified,
hopeless,
envious,
rundown.
Broken,
empty.
Disturbed,
exhausted,
abandoned,
dead.

For you I will do my best

Slowly you disappear into the past,
yet you are buried in my thoughts which I'm forcing to last.
Everything that you do,
finds a way to touch my heart,
and every word you say,
shows the beauty of your art.
Your bleached white hair,
perfect smile,
cute little nose,
an honest representation of your soul.
You say you want to give up,
but you don't have to go.
You're not alone, nor will you ever be,
you fought hard, now you got me.
Your bleached white hair,
perfect smile,
cute little nose,
please stay for a while.
You fought hard, now you got me,
you're not alone, nor will you ever be.

Letter to a friend

To the friend who was there from the start,
you will forever be in my heart.
To the friend that made the pain stop,
I thank you.

For every word you said, a smile followed. Honestly I can't remember a time where you turned your back on me.
You are something else, you are my definition of a perfect human being, and although there were times when we didn't get along you still managed to put up with me.
As I grow older I realize what you mean to me, I may sound cliche and clingy but I love you.
I know that friends don't last forever but I hope that you are an exception!

Becoming a ghost

There's this song I always come back to,
It reminds me of the day I first met you.
No other words mean as much to me as the lyrics that were sang in the song,
it's a constant reminder of how we held on for so long.
You might've been just a ghost but you knew what flesh felt like,
you knew what a hug meant and how to treat someone in the cold night.
You were no stranger to love and comfort,
you were the definition of kindness,
you managed to treat me from my social blindness.
You allowed me to open up to you,
share my story and my pain.
From that point on I knew what you meant,
I knew what you wanted,
but I never provided.
Now I'm the ghost you once spoke of,
hiding behind the comfort of my keyboard,
playing the role of a person you once knew.

Emotional bus ride

One month,
it's been one month since I last saw you.
I remember the denim jacket and converse shoes,
your long wavy brown hair and stunning smile too.
With a voice that still echoes,
you told me everything was alright.
Oh how I wanted to believe it,
I wished for it to be true.
The result was not surprising,
it wasn't,
you lied.