Is this what missing a livestream feels like?

Lonely parking lot,
followed by my lonely mind.
Even if you were here,
I'd still feel the same.

100th post

I thought that my 100th post would be about you but so far the only thing I can think of is the time before I started this stupid blog, the time when I didn't know you, the time when I didn't feel this way.
For now all that I can say is that although thankful for every moment we spent I will never forget what it felt like to read those messages. I'm sorry I was harsh and never did w hat you wanted me to but I never felt loved so I didn't feel like I needed to provide.

Messages in bottles cannot be screenshotted, right?

Forward the messages from your phone,
direct them to the back of my mind,
make sure it's something I'll never forget.

All my choices are things I'll always regret,
as you sleep in his bed,
I let it get to my head,
all the sorrow and dread,
I've ever seen,
no spirit in the waves.

So slowly,
I'm breathing.
So slowly,
I'm living.

When I write I write about you, when you read you read about someone else.

Yes,
everything that was ever said or written,
it was for you.

Although I'm at the parking lot you're still so far away from me (I'm sorry but I have to walk around every hour or so, the parking passes won't check themselves)

Fully furnished,
yet empty,
this apartment is haunted,
by the memories of that night.

I don't remember the numbers,
I only know of the water.
Nothing was washed away,
stuck like the paintings on the wall,
the burdens are mine,
all mine.

How much was wasted away,
as if the food was no good,
my brain got sick of all the stuff my eyes've been feeding on.
Feelings got to hurry,
all the trains are leaving their stations,
slowly going to the abyss.

All the planes have taken flight,
the cars have driven away,
every single ship has sailed,
the horses ran away,
only I've stayed.

Frightened and scared,
this little puppy hides,
it looks for shelter,
in a heart, not the eyes.
Yet the lies,
they make her happy,
she never really knew how to tell them apart.
The people around her laughed,
as the puppy slowly died.

As soon as the love was felt,
the puppy stood strong,
the stains were removed,
and the trains and planes returned,
the apartment felt like home,
and I,
I had you.

Bless in a dress (Or just a coincidence that happened at the right place at the right time, I honestly do not know anymore)

With your new red dress,
you walk with such class,
whenever I see you,
you just push me away.
With your new red dress,
you've made my life a mess.

We used to walk along all through the day,
now I can hardly see you,
just wanna say this to your face,
you empty me out.

Like your new red dress,
you're already stained,
easy to wash it,
yet it'll never change your face.

So a secure network is used for trading, no wonder why I'm only going downhill

It happened again,
I know you like to pretend,
should we dismiss and move on,
try to wash it down and fly off.
At times like this,
I miss home.

You left me again,
you only cause pain,
should I turn away and shrug it off,
or do you still want me to hold on.
For the last time,
I'll carry on.

You told me again,
you tow shared a bed,
should you try and hide it,
acts can't be defied and,
in times like this,
I don't know.

(What's wrong?)
It happened again...
(Can't you carry on?)
It happened again...
Again and again...
(Just stay strong)
Again and again...
(Don't give in)
Again and again...

Buying books off of Amazon is a good hobby if you have time to read them but lately I've been doing that just so I won't have enough money to go out with you

Do not ask,
for you are just a bird,
words won't help,
you just need to fly.

Do not be scared,
for you are just a mouse,
emotions won't help,
you just need to run,

Do not be ashamed,
for you are just a hare,
thinking won't help,
you just need to hop.

You do not need to hide,
you are nothing more than a snake,
slither in their beds,
leave your skin on the pillows,
while still speaking softly,
you spit venomous lies.
Slowly killing me.

Thankfulness is the only thing I have to offer

So,
another wasted day,
but if you ask me,
it was the best one so far.
Can't wait to come home,
just to see you.

I want to make your day better,
because you always make mine.
For that,
I thank you.

Giggle in my memory

When I called you,
you just giggled,
I couldn't see the smile,
but I could somehow feel it.
Tried to face time you,
but our time was up.
No way I'll ever forget,
the moment when I saw you,
I was too scared to say it.
I love you.