Mountain thyme tea rolled up in seaweed playing the role of a joint (the tiger in the zoo is fine with the life there, he's really OK, Tiger-OK I guess(at the end I was quoting the tiger))

All this time,
reminded of the thyme tea I drank,
as I was talking to you.

And all those stories I've heard,
from liars and thieves,
about you, not being who you say you are.

Can't even drink my favorite beverage,
my mind being leveraged,
by the thoughts of another summer without you.

Another year,
another failure,
mind messed up from beer portrayed as a liquid savior,
yellow at first sight, just like your hair,
mental state gripping tight, as I gasp for fresh air.

Instead of studying,
I'm thinking about this,
talking to myself, getting madly pissed,
boiling blood, just like the hot water,
tea bags replaced by rolling papers as I stutter,
calling out for help,
in this lonely hell.

Mountain thyme tea,
you're so dearly missed,
could this really be,
cause of the girl I never kissed.

This will be the longest summer and the warmest winter

Call me a liar,
call me a failure.
I can be whatever you want me to be,
except for a user.
I'd never be your abuser.
I loved you from the bottom of my heart,
but you never believed me,
I loved you even when you wanted me not to.
There's this thing I can never accomplish,
and that is to be with you.
I screwed up,
once or twice.
Maybe more than that...
A lot more...
But I always had respect for you,
and I always will.

I can't believe how someone like you,
someone so gorgeous and pretty,
someone so smart and funny,
would love a failure like me.
How can I believe the words you say,
when you don't even want to spend time with me.
How can I believe that you love me,
when I always got the same answer.

Time after time when I wanted to speak to you,
I got the same answer,
"not now, maybe later".
Well later may never come,
cause I might not be here for long.
I don't want to say this,
but you were a curse and a blessing.
You blessed me with something I thought was love,
you cursed me with emotions I cannot get out of my head.

I cannot love anyone else,
I cannot imagine myself with anyone else.
You are the one that I loved,
you are the one that I'll love.

It's not you,
it's you and your friends,
the stories you've shared.
I understood that I'd never be like them.

I'd waste my nights away just to talk to you,
but the moment when I wanted to hear your voice,
you'd always shut me out,
cut me off.

I might've been paranoid,
who am I kidding I most definitely was.
I still am.
But I know that you will never stay 20,
you're gonna grow older,
be bolder,
you're gonna be stronger,
why would you settle for a weakling like me.

The words you muttered,
with a dozen filters on,
you wanted me to believe them,
when you yourself told me it was for someone else.

I hope I never see you,
just because I know that you wouldn't want to,
I hope I'll never talk to you again,
just because I know that it would kill me.
I know that you wouldn't notice me,
when most of the time,
I recognize you in someone else.